(with profoundest apologies to Lewis Carroll)
'Twas brillig in the final innigs
With Hawk and Eddie in the wabe;
All mimsy was the Batgirl Team
And Bitch Sox the Twins always outgrabe.
"But beware the Budgetwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the millions on Joe Mays
And millions more on Guzziesnatch!"
So Ryan clutched his vorpal sword:
Long time the budget foe he sought---
And rested he by the Tumtum tree,
As Hawk and Ed were cheapish bought.
And, as in an uffish thought he stood,
The Budgetwock, with eyes of flame,
Came wiffling through the tulgey wood,
Steinbrennerish as it came!
One, two! Hawk and Guardoo! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head,
He went to Pohlad galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Budgetwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
The old man chortled in his joy.
Oh, pennywise and pound foolee!
The mugglefumps that run our team!
Thomas, Balfour, and Puldee
Should only pitch in bat practee!
Not-so-brillig in the final innigs,
With Fultz and Rincon in the wabe.
Unmimsy is the Batgirl Team:
Pray still Bitch Sox can be outgrabed.
