Twins at Tampa Bay. Devil Rays 5, Twins 4.

After a week-long self-imposed rehab at Corey Koskie's favorite ashram, Batgirl checked herself out today feeling her chi veritably vibrating in her veins. There's nothing like a week of mediation and fresh kale shakes to remind a batgirl that life in itself is a beautiful gift, and that samadi is only a series win away.

So she must admit she was a little surprised to return to the BatQuarters to find the male members of Team Batgirl passed out on a pile of empty pizza boxes and surrounded by piles of crushed cans of Red Bull. As for Sooz, she had apparently fled the scene days before, checking herself into a week-long intensive spa and was at that moment getting a lavender-orange salt scrub and downing appletinis in a suite with Diana DeGarmo and Juror No. 5 from the Martha Stewart trial. The BatKitties, meanwhile, who lacked adult supervision, had gotten into the catnip and were blasting Goober's old LP of Pink Floyd's The Wall. As a result, no one was available to answer the only question on Batgirl's mind: how did the game go today?

But then Batgirl noticed the strange orangy goo on Goober's right index finger, and, in mute horror, she suddenly beheld the fateful words scrawled next to his body in Cheeto-dust:

Freakin' Devil Rays 5, Twins 4.

Well, poo. When you spend a week at a blasted ashram weaving potholders out of wheatgrass, you look forward to coming home to find your team has kicked a little Ewok-butt.

I know everyone has to lose a series sometimes, but does it have to be to the freakin' Devil Rays? I can't think of anything more embarrassing, except maybe if they lost to my old JV volleyball team. (Batgirl was captain, MVP, and won an award for best attitude, if that tells you just how bad we were.)

It was no Bitch-Sox style blowout, thank Krishna. We just had one error, (on a rather whimsical pickoff to 2nd by Carlos Silva) as opposed to, you know, 70. And Corey Koskie proved the health of his chi by hitting a homer on his first at bat after coming off the DL. (It was pretty touching, actually, when he pointed to left field and mouthed, "This one's for you, Jeb…eh!") Silva's chi got seriously messed up in the second, but Jacque "Remind Me Why He's Expendable Again?" Jones responded by hitting a three-run dinger in the top of the 3rd.

But then in the 4th with two outs, Silva gave up two quick singles and then Rocco "Pinball Wizard" Baldelli hit a ball off the bumpers on the roof for triple points and a free ball.

So it was 5-4 Tampa Bay in the 4th. Did anyone…anyone?…think that that was going to be the final score of the game? It's the freakin' Devil Rays, and we're the mighty(-ish) Twins, the comeback kids, the masters of the late inning rally. We don't need no freakin' pinball homers; we have Lew Ford!

But it was the final score, forever immortalized in Cheeto-dust, and it wasn't our proudest moment. For as the swami says, when you're behind one run to the freakin' Devil Rays and you have two runners on base in the seventh inning, you better execute—or you will find yourself staring up at the Bitch Sox in the standings. All of which makes Batgirl want to head back to the ashram, stat.

Posted by Batgirl at May 27, 2004 08:14 PM