Tampa Bay at Twins. Devil Rays 4, Twins 2.

Remember yesterday? Remember how we won by, like, a whole lot? Remember how it was as if we had woken up from a strange and terrible spell, one which caused us to play like a T-ball team—one with no hitting? Remember how Batgirl had said it was as if wee little fairies had swept down on the team, waved their magic wands, and released the Twins from whatever funk they were in?

Batgirl was wrong. Oh yes, there are fairies, gentle readers, make no mistake. There are fairies and they are evil.

Batgirl was there tonight, and she saw them. You have to squint very carefully, you have to tilt your head to just the right angle, you have to catch your breath and stay very, very still. Like that. See them? Little creatures with silver wings and tutus—they look like the sweetest things until they grin at you and you see their hideous snaggleteeth. That's when you recoil in horror, but it will already be too late, they will have already cast their nefarious spells. Oh, yes, my children, there are evil fairies in the Metrodome, and they like to hurt Batgirl's feelings.

Yes, the air was thick with pixie dust tonight. Even if Batgirl hadn't seen the evidence with her own eyes, it would be obvious by the Twins play in the game itself. How else can you explain how we were no hit into the sixth inning by freakin' Doug Waechter, who is 2-5 with a 4.44 ERA thus far. (Make that 3-5, now). This Doug Waechter walked the first two batters in the third inning—but that's when the fairies swooped in. Zap! Poof! Shazam! Guzie grounds into a force out, then Lew Ford into a double play, end of inning.

Ha, ha, Torii Hunter, now I have you!

Oh, but the blasted fairies weren't done. The Twins sharp hits went right into Devil Ray gloves, and every Devil Ray hit found a hole. As for the Twins gloves, well—abra cadabra! Michael Cuddyer was so bewitched, bothered, and bewildered that he completely forgot he's been playing second base rather well, bobbling a double play in the second and relaying a good Jacque Jones throw via air mail to France instead of home, allowing a death blow to score in the 7th. Bip! Bop! Boo! Magic!

I don't know what evil this is, and why it plagues us so. All that is certain is it exists. Somebody wants to torment us, somebody with a pack of evil fairies at his disposal. And what better way than to have us get outplayed by the freakin' Devil Rays? Sick, sick, sick, this evil-doer is!

Dear readers, please help by posting your thoughts on the source of this evil. First we identify it, then we eradicate it. Readers, unite!