As a special-added A-1 bonus feature for the benefit of YOU, the cherished BatLing, F.O.B. (Friend of Batgirl) and Phillies Phan Jeffstoned has kindly provided us with a series preview. Mr. Stoned has a blog of his own which covers politics (left), culture (high and low), and baseball (Phillies and Phillies), and Batgirl returned the favor by writing a series preview of her own (the second post on the page). Might you have anything to add to help his Philly Phan readership?

Greetings Batgirl,

Thanks in advance for the charming Midwestern hospitality you and the Twins
are sure to extend to the Philadelphia Phillies this weekend. While I'm sure
the players are saddened that The Good Earth in uptown is no longer open for their healthy-eating needs, and I understand June is traditionally a fallow season for the otherwise-vibrant Twin Cities theater scene, and I well know the
humidity in the Land o' Lakes can be as much of a bitch as Ozzie Guillen
with a wedgie, I'm sure they will enjoy their stay.

And they could use it. As with the Twins, the Phils have struggled through
injuries and painfully inconsistent offense through the first two-plus
months of this season. Right now two of our best three starting pitchers,
Randy Wolf and Vicente Padilla, are on the disabled list; we just got closer
Billy Wagner back after he missed a month, and he promptly surrendered four
ninth-inning runs to the Bitch Sox (don't worry; we still won the game).
Thanks to Thursday's rainout in Chicago, you'll see arguably our best
healthy starter tonight, young Brett Myers. To give you a sense of the ups
and downs we've already gone through this year, just six weeks ago Myers-who's kind of like Nuke Laloosh without the sense of humor-all but had his
ticket punched for the minor leagues. But he throws a fastball with good
movement and a diabolical 12-to-6 curve, and has put it together since then.
Then you'll see Kevin Millwood, who's usually okay unless he's facing our
hated rivals the Braves and Marlins, against whom he "competes" like a
French general off his meds. And on Sunday I think you get Paul Abbott, whom
one of your loyal readers informs me the Twins flayed alive in one of his
final appearances with (ahem) Tampa Bay. It's usually not a good sign when
you're inking Devil Rays castoffs. Proud Twins alumnus Eric Milton and his
8-1 record will watch the series from the bench, which I guess is fair since
we miss the Johaninator in this series.

Offensively, the story is Pheast or Phamine. I know you're familiar with Jim
Thome, who's tied for the major league lead with 17 homers and could reach
400 for his career this weekend; he's at 398 right now, and has been pretty
hot recently despite a series of hand injuries. Jim is surrounded in the
order by perennially underrated Bobby Abreu, a career .300 hitter who's on a
30-30 pace this year, and Pat Burrell, who summed up his life on and off the
field years ago with the simple statement, "I swing hard." All three could
put up crooked numbers... or generate enough swings and misses to cool down
the Dome all weekend. Mike Lieberthal, who's been with the organization
since your days of volleyball stardom, is another streak hitter, as is
leadoff man du jour Jimmy Rollins. Rollins and Abreu are larcenous fellows
on the basepaths who should test the arm of that strapping young catcher of
yours. (What is Minnesota's age of consent, anyway?)

I have to admit that my biggest fear was that the Phils would get swept in
New Commiskey, then come in and kick some Gemini butt, leaving you doubly
disadvantaged in your death struggle with the South Siders. But having split
with the Sox, and since you don't get the chance to do any damage against
the despicable Florida Marlins, we do kinda need to win a couple this
weekend. As of Monday, though, I'm back behind the TC Bats.

Peace,

"Jeffstoned"

T.C. Bear, I'll see you in HELL!