Chicago at Twins. Bitch Sox 2, Twins 1.

I haven't seen Spiderman 2 yet; my Batgirl duties often keep me from being up on the new releases, even the totally kick ass ones. But I have seen the trailer 467 times, and it seems that early in the movie that cute Tobey Maguire is having some trouble balancing his life and his Spidey-duties. Can you blame him? It's hard to be Tobey AND Spiderman, what with the back problems and with producers threatening to replace him with that weird Donnie Darko dude. So Tobey takes off his uniform and sticks it in a trash bin, muttering something like, "Good-bye Spiderman." Or maybe I'm just making that part up.

Anyway, the Minnesota Twins, for some reason I cannot fathom, did essentially the same thing this week. Peel off uniform, go to deserted back alley, dump it in old-school-looking trash can, mutter something worthy of inclusion in the trailer. Like maybe, "Good-bye threepeat." Or "Hello, dismantling of team in off-season." Or something.

Whether or not the Twins are in total uniform-dumping despair is not the question. What matters is that they are playing like it. They don't want to be Spiderman anymore, their back hurts and it just can be so hard to hit the ball with guys on base, and why won't everyone leave them alone, and what kind of name is Jake Gyllenhaal anyway?

The question is, is this the first part of the movie or the last? Are we dumping our uniforms only to build drama for the rest of the season, or is this the tragedy at the end of the movie, the hero's realization that he just doesn't have it in him anymore, that he doesn't belong in the pantheon of Superman and the Bitch Sox, that its really just time to retire and maybe take up knitting or macramé.

All we can hope is that if this season is a movie, we're still in the first act. For, if this is truly the end of the third act, we're in store for the most drawn-out tragic ending in movie history, and Batgirl might start finding more time for summer blockbusters. Did you know they're doing a sequel to Bourne Identity? I hope there's another cool car chase.