Twins at Arizona. Diamondbacks 6, Twins 2.
Dear Randy Johnson,
Hello. My name is Batgirl. I'm from Minnesota. Have you ever been to Minnesota? It's really great. Right now, I'm at the BatFamily's cabin on the lake, and it's incredibly beautiful up here. You could come up some time and I could take you out on the boat; I could pull you behind the boat on an innertube, which is really fun, as long as you don't mind getting wet!
Big Fun for the Big Unit!
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is because I thought you might be interested in becoming a Twin. Then you could buy a lake house of your own for the 4th of July weekends and stuff, and I bet you could get a really phat boat!
Well, I know George Steinbrenner has made some overtures toward you, and that's nice. I mean, the Yankees have a really good shot at the playoffs this year, and that's cool. It's been a lot of fun to watch that team come together after the rebuilding years. There's nothing like seeing a bunch of guys who came up through the minors together and then struggled together in the majors finally cohere as a winning team. Of course, Mr. Steinbrenner is looking for a veteran to guide this young, inexperienced team through the pennant races (and perhaps the playoffs!) and it's only natural that they might want you.
But I thought you should know there are other options. The Twins are a really fun team. Everyone says so. The bullpen guys make a rookie carry all their snacks in a Barbie Backpack! How funny is that?! Plus we’ve got this crazy guy named Lew Ford who once burned himself ironing his shirt while it was still on. Isn't that hilarious?
Anyway, we're in the midst of a pennant race, too, and it looks to be an exciting one. But, the thing is, we really need a fifth starter, and I think you're just the guy to fit the bill. You'd have to take a little pay cut—like maybe 80%--but, really, how much more money do you need? We're talking about quality of life here. Good schools, arts and culture, nice people, lots of lakes, plus you wouldn't have to hit anymore! And we have another old pitcher on the team so you would have someone to talk about the '70s with, and you could go together to scope out the good retirement homes. Oh, and fabulous blogs.
So, why don't you just drop me an e-mail and we'll start working out the details. I can help you find a nice place to live, and we can have that boat ride!
See you soon!
Love,
Batgirl