When Justin Morneau was called up a few weeks ago, he didn't have a place to live. So he called up his friend Joe Mauer and asked if he might crash at his house. Joe checked with his mom who said it would be fine, as long as they behaved.
So Justin moved in with the Mauers. Everything went well for the first few days; Justin proved a well-mannered and quiet guest, and Mrs. Mauer was heard to remark that he seemed like a nice young boy, and a good friend for young Joe.
But soon things turned sour. Mrs. Mauer simply couldn't keep up with the two boys' appetites. They'd come home from games late, and blast that strange music Matt LeCroy gave them at all hours. Then, one Sunday morning, the two boys were playing baseball in front of the house and Morneau hit a ball through Mrs. Mauer's bedroom window. The ball traveled through the room, out the window on the other side, through two neighbors' houses, then it crashed into window of the Presbyterian church down the street, where it hit Pastor Boyd right between the eyes right in the middle of his sermon.
That was enough for Mrs. Mauer.
"I've had enough!"
"You boys have to find your own place to live! I can't take it anymore!"
But finding an apartment proved harder than the boys thought, especially for two young men making the major league minimum.
"There's NOTHING in here!"
"What are we going to do? I'm tired of sleeping on FieldTurf! It smells like Corey Koskie!"
But, as Joe Mauer found, there was one vacancy in town…
"Hey, this place looks nice!"
Only there was one catch…
It was a building for women!
Hmmmm….
So Justin and Joe made one adjustment.
Now the girls know them as Buffy and Hildegarde.
But also as Joe and Justin, Buffy and Hildy's brothers.
See? It's all perfectly normal!
Hit it, Billy Joel!:
I don't need you to worry for me, 'cuz I'm all right!
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home.
I don't care what you say anymore, cuz it's my life!"
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!
Well, things went pretty well for Justin and Joe… I mean Buffy and Hildy! They got along great with the girls in their apartment, and it sure was convenient to the Metrodome and lots of fine dining establishments!
"Boy, I'm sure glad Joe found this place!"
But their new life certainly had its complications….
Like when Justin Morneau forgot to take his earrings off for BP! It's not going to be long before Jacque Jones notices that.
Fortunately, "Buffy" was right there! Mauer sauntered up while Jacque Jones wasn't looking…
"Hey Buddy. Great swing…"
"Nothing to see here!"
Or when they go out with their girlfriends for a night on the town.
"Man, I never knew how good appletinis were!"
The evening was going pretty well. Joe found he had a new ability to talk to women, and he made some new friends. I wonder if Buffy's brother might give some of these gals a call!
But the evening took a bad turn when some familiar faces entered the bar.
"My…you sure are a …husky woman. My name is Johan Santana, and I would like to make love to you."
"That was a crazy night, Buffy."
"Damn straight, Hildy. Appletini?"