Twins 2, KC Goose-egg

(el diablo apologizes for the delay in posting. He too is temporarily in Canada searching for the secret of JustIncredible.)

Written by Skorch

"I got a letter from the government,
the other day.
I opened and read it,
it said they were suckers."
-Chuck D of Public Enemy
"Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos"
It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back

Tonight's Santana/Nathan '04 election rally saw Johan Santana deliver a convincing and dramatic demonstration to anyone who was still undecided about his qualifications for office. Likewise, Joe Nathan picked up the save for his running mate in a perfect inning while continuing his custom of striking out the last batter.

In all they combined to sit down 12 bitches in an absolutely vulgar display of power. This ticket is the one to watch, folks. George W Bush was oddly silent during the toxic spill in Clarence, MN. Likewise, John Kerry virtually ignored the heart-rending national outcry when Hannah and Justin Woodrow's son James disappeared. These, and many other concerns are near and dear to the Santana/Nathan campaign, and they need your support.

Tonight's rally all began ordinarily enough. As I walked around the dome carrying my Twins rally-sombrero, confident in my knowledge that tonight it's services weren't going to be needed, I kept an eye peeled for those who cast a look of recognition as opposed to smirks, scorn, and sudden concern for their well-being and/or wallet I'm used to encountering. I arrived at gate B well before the appointed time but still Bat-reader Neil was there waiting for me after I bought my ticket, saying "that's what I've been looking for" while nodding at my gaudily ornate sombrero. After a quick exchange of the secret Bat-handshake to authenticate each other's identity we chatted before heading inside.

It wasn't long after finding a suitable place to take in the evenings game that Batgirl luminary Donnalove arrived carrying her own scorebook, prepared to accurately transcribe every nuance of the game. A few minutes later the delightful E made her entrance, and it seemed that our ranks would top out at 4 this night. But not quite though, as on two seperate occasions throughout the game other party members stopped by before returning to their seats.

Steve and Terry came by from their seats all the way from the other side of the 'dome, no doubt to find vagabonds or disillusioned Royals loafing in them upon their return, to say hi to us and to ask that we relay a greeting Batgirl herself. Likewise seated further down our area was Soccerfan, who was attending the game with someone that evidently wouldn't be able to appreciate our brand of political activism.

As far as the game itself was concerned, offensively our boys came to play once we got past the 3rd inning. Stewart led off the Twins batting with a single and that was the sum total of offensive output for the first three innings as he was deftly erased on a double-play ball hit by Torii "Web Gem" Hunter. After the first time through the order the Twins decided they'd had enough of letting Darryl Mays look like the second coming of Warren Spahn and started hitting rockets, rockets that crash landed into the gloves of awaiting Royals as soon as we managed to put runners in scoring position.

But that was all before the 6th inning. Hunter, perhaps feeling bad for failing to drive in Stewart from 3rd with Jones at 1st and no outs in the 3rd, teased Desi Relaford by hitting a ball just far enough to land out of the park and at least drive himself in. Our own Neil, exhibiting his heretofore unmentioned Promethean capabilities, said he thought Doctor Morneau batting next would hit a homerun, which sent Donnalove scurrying through past scoresheets to point out that indeed Hunter and Morneau had hit back-to-back homeruns earlier this season. As if on cue Morneau did no teasing at all, but indeed rammed a fistful of Maple leaves down the gullet of Darryl May, defiantly knocking a ball into the seats above the baggie.

Matt LeCroy decided he wanted some of this action as well. He fouled off a pitch. Ok, more like a whole bunch of pitches, roughly 47 of them. Finally he made contact with the ball in a meaningful way that would have gone out had we moved the walls in to the infield this past offseason. Instead it popped up for an easy out, only for Ruben "Last week I didn't even know what 'basesball' was" Gotay to lose it against ceiling, resulting in yet another of LeCroy's unorthodox infield hits. Guzman singled after him, and Cuddyer had LeCroy erased on a fielders choice. A flyout to center by Nifty Tiffee and a popout by "Mango Face" Blanco to the shortstop ended our offensive production for the evening.

Darryl May was pulled in the 7th for the Royals mystery pitcher of the evening. His name and number never got prominently displayed, but we eventually figured it was Shawn Camp, #58. Whether or not that's who it really was is of no concern to us anymore. The whole ordeal of trying to figure out who he was ("It's fifty-something... is that a three?", "I think it's an eight", "Don't ask me, I've been drinking since noon") left us as confused as the Queen of England after having Flavor Flav over for tea.

Anyhow, It turned out those two runs were all Johan needed, and you got the feeling he could have somehow found a way to win without any run support at all. While the Twins were up to bat I made several attempts to engage Royals LFer Desi Relaford in an interview on Santana's presidential campaign, but all attempts went unanswered. To me, his silence spoke volumes. This was a man who had looked into the unblinking remorseless eyes of the Twins ace and saw nothing but utter hopelessness reflected back at him. At least he can lean on the rest of his teammates for support, everyone struck out at least once to Santana tonight.

Early game tomorrow, 11am. No TV. You'll have to pretend it's 1932 and listen to it on the radio.

Posted by el diablo at September 4, 2004 12:00 PM