This really happened. I mean, it was the best thing since Batgirl left ol' RD the keys to the blog. The phone rang right after Joe Nathan nuked Tejada in the bottom of the ninth to close out the Twins' 3-1 victory over Baltimore. It was a familiar voice.
"Yo, RD, Paul Simon here."
"Hey, Paul, what up? You singing any more of those cheesy songs in those NBA reading commercials? I keep waitin' for you, Santana and Metallica to sing 'Ain't my bitch' to a room full of Little Leaguers. That's Johan Santana, the Cy Young pitcher, you know," I reminded him.
"Nah, RD. But I was watchin' the game tonight and I saw that Jorge Julio pissdog try to drill Augie Doggy Ojeda in the helmet after Cuddyer's ninth-inning dinger. And then the words just came flyin'."
"Flyin'?"
"Yeah, RD, you remember that song, 'Me and Julio, down by the school yard?"
"Uh-huh, I was in grade school when you did that."
"Bullshit, you were, RD. You were almost a full-blown reliever by then. A full-blown-save reliever, that is."
"Zip it, Simon. Why did you call?"
"Well, I wrote these lyrics right after the game tonight and I knew they'd make Batgirl proud."
"Ya think?"
"I know, RD, I know. You want lyrics? Here's 'Jorge Julio, down by Camden Yards.' If I'm lucky, maybe me 'n' Bubblemint can do a duet down the road. It would be a lot better than another reunion with Art Garfunkel."
Jorge Julio rolled out of the ‘pen, and lumbered in face the Twins
When Cuddyer found out, he began to shout, and he started to think he could win
It was over the wall, it was over the wall
What Cuddyer saw, was a ball over the wall
Then Julio looked down and spit on the ground and threw at Ojeda’s helmet
And the umpire say, “Oy, I’m gonna run that boy
I’m gonna stick him in baseball detention.”
The reliever’s scum, he knew just where he’s throwin’
The reliever’s scum, he threw at our guy, and we all know why
Goodbye to the O’s, to our loser foes
Cuddy, Augie and Julio, down by Camden Yards
Cuddy, Augie and Julio, down by Camden Yards
In 10 more days, Julio comes here to play
And the Twins won’t turn the other cheek
And when Jorge Julio is given his release
We’re all on the cover of Newsweek
The reliever's scum, he knew just where he’s throwin’
The reliever's scum, he threw at our guy, and we all know why
Goodbye to the O’s, to our loser foes
Cuddy, Augie and Julio down by Camden Yards
Cuddy, Augie and Julio, down by Camden Yards