Chicago at Twins. Twins 10, Bitch Sox 1

The other day Batgirl did an interview with Rita Maloney on KCCO 950. The interview took place behind home plate before Tuesday's game, and was, frankly, one of the greatest thrills of Batgirl's life. There was Corey Koskie, standing just a few feet away, and there was Bob Casey, and there was Clay Matvick. Batgirl swooned!

After the interview, Ms. Maloney asked Batgirl if she'd like to meet a couple of the players. Would she ever! J.C. Romero was standing on the field talking to a Bitch Sock, and Batgirl got to shake his hand. J.C. and Rita talked for a while, while Batgirl mentally focused on the next round of Minnesota Twins: Hot or Not. (Batgirl learned why JC wears the red undershirt; because he likes red. He doesn't like navy blue.) We then headed off the field, and Rita said, "Let's see if we can introduce you to anyone else. Oh, look, there's Kyle Lohse!"

As regular readers know, Batgirl has not been particulary nice to Mr. Lohse this year. The reason is Mr. Lohse has offended Batgirl. Not by sucking—hell, half the Twins have sucked this year. It's his insistence that he's not sucking, that he's not getting run support, that the infield is being positioned badly—that's what bothers Batgirl. It's important to own your suckiness. That's the first step to recovery.

So anyway, as Batgirl and Rita approached Mr. Lohse, Batgirl found herself thinking, "Wow, if he punches me, it's really going to hurt." And then she thought, "Thank God he can't read." See? See how mean Batgirl is? What's wrong with her, anyway? BatMom and Dad tried their best, they really did, they can't be blamed—but sometimes kids just come out all wrong.

Well, Mr. Lohse was nothing but pleasant to Batgirl, and they had a nice little chat; though Batgirl faltered at the end where she normally would have said, "You've been doing a great job." She started stuttering wildly instead, and he gave her a look, a look that clearly said, "You are full of ass-crap," and they parted and Batgirl went on her way.

Later, Batgirl realized what she should have said was something like, "Go out and get these guys, Lyle. I mean Kyle. I really want to beat 'em." And he would have broken out into a smile, his eyes would have sparkled, and maybe he even would have winked as he said, "Me, too, Batgirl. Me, too." And perhaps when he stepped out on the mound tonight, he would have remembered Batgirl's words and felt a surge of confidence. "Yes, I am Kyle Lohse, and I will set the bitches down."

Well, Kyle Lohse did not need Batgirl tonight. He built on an entirely adequate performance last week by pitching pretty dang well through seven innings. Sure, he left the ball up a little bit, but he stayed in control of the game—two starts in a row where he hasn't allowed a jillion-run inning, and that, my darlings, is progress.

Also of note was the game by one Dimples Cuddyer who had been entirely inadequate at third base earlier in the season but suddenly looks like he knows what he's doing out there. And Dr. Morneau, in addition to clearing the bases with a double to put the score at the utterly delicious humiliation point, actually went into the splits to get a nice Cuddy throw at one point—the lad has done quite nicely out there. We don't ask him to be Dougie Defense; we just ask him to be an above-average fielder and to hit the holy snot out of the ball. And he's more than happy to comply. (We usually don't ask Pat Borders and Augustus Ojeda to combine for four hits, two runs, and three RsBI, but if they want to do so, we're not complaining.)

Oh, how sweet it is. For, as you may have guessed, Batgirl wanted very, very badly to sweep the Bitch Sox—preferably in the most dominating fashion possible. And Batgirl, surely, was not alone—from LaVelle E. Neal to Twins Geek to Aaron Gleeman to Twins Fan Dan at Will Carroll's World to Dan Gladden, Bert Blyleven, and even sweet little Clay Matvick, the message was clear: We've had enough, Bitch Sox. Enough of your petty, stupid, jealous whining. You are all jackanapes, every single one of you. Just shut up and go home.

Well, my darlings, Kyle Lohse is getting himself together (AND IS THE HONORARY BOYFRIEND OF THE DAY!), the hitters are brutually hot, it's mid-September, and the magic number is 4. We're 26 games above the meridian, and we're going to fight out Oakland for home field advantage in the series. The Bitch Sox and the 'Toons, meanwhile, are going to fight it out for second place—and if they try really, really hard, they might both get back to .500. Dare to dream, guys. Dare to dream.