Twins at Chicago. Bitch Sox 8, Twins 6.

The Bitch Sox finally got a victory against the Twins today, and Batgirl thinks that's nice. It's important that they have something to hold onto in the off-season. But Batgirl finds her thoughts not on today's game, but rather on October. For, now that the hurly-burly’s done and the battle’s lost (Bitch Sox) and won (Us), it’s time for us to focus on getting the team ready for the postseason. But we’re not there yet—we’ve got eleven games left to play and a whole host of questions yet to be answered. Today, Batgirl will review some of these questions, and look to her Batlings for the answers.

Who should be the third starter? Oh, wait, that’s easy. Carlos Silva. Though Batgirl’s heard a theory that Silva will be less effective against patient teams like the Yanks and the BoSox who will be able to wait out the slider. What thinkest thou, Batlings?

Who should get the last bullpen spot? The Twins will carry Lohse/Koshe, Terence John, Boo Berry, Romero, Count Chocula, and probably Crain. Reports have it that the last spot could be filled by Roa or Balfour. Both of them terrify Batgirl. The Roa Constrictor hasn’t been steady since June, and once every four appearances or so Balfour likes to walk six or seven people in a row. If he does that in playoffs, Batgirl might have to chew off her own arm, and that will make it harder to blog next year. Batgirl’s still holding out hope for BatMom, though she recognizes that Terence may have a monopoly on the mature lefty spot. But what with ’87 and ’91 BatMom has tons of playoff experience and could be a real leader in the clubhouse.

Will Justin Morneau actually grow a real goatee? This one has been plaguing Team Batgirl for some time. Batgirl is on record as against facial hair for Mr. Morneau; she feels players should be at least 25 before they try any such thing. As, apparently does Morneau's DNA; he's been trying to grow the thing for a couple weeks now, and it hasn't seemed to grow any beyond the initial I'm-growing-a-goatee-now-everyone scruffiness. He's been benched lately because of his "wrist," but Batgirl wonders if he isn't perhaps sitting on the bench with his eyes squeezed closed trying to will his facial hair to grow. It's not working.

Which player(s) should the Twins wrap in bubble wrap until October? The Twins are a small-market team and only have a limited amount of bubble wrap, where they seem to have an endless supply of players with propensities to do themselves harm. Really, it's just a gamble. Do you pick Koskie and let Stewart trip over a bat and sprain an ankle? Or do you pick Stewart and then Sweetcheeks dives on a fly ball when the Twins are down 24-3 to the Cleveland Toons and breaks his philangie? Oh, I can't take it! It's too risky; does someone have an extra hyperbaric chamber?

Will one of Corey Koskie's bionic parts be recalled? Let's see—there's the wrist, the back, the neck, the knee, the ankle, and Koskie's insisted that Jim Kahmann use parts exclusively made in Canada, so you do the math.

When Nick Punto comes off the DL on September 26, will someone try to eat him again? Wait, no, Batgirl's pretty sure about the answer to that one. He's just that delicious.

Will someone take Bert Blyleven aside and teach him how to use adverbs? Probably not, unless some nice Venezuelian helps him.

Will Juan Rincon have to get his pants let out? Perhaps another belt loop will do just fine, but has anyone else noticed that there's more of Boo to love?

How will the release of the Star Wars DVDs affect Lew Ford's play? Ford is certainly logy after last night's celebration; there was talk of him attempting to breakdance in the clubhouse. A boy from Texas just doesn't recover from that easily. So, if all were normal, Ford would be tucked into bed early tonight, were it not for THE MOST MOMENTOUS DVD RELEASE EVER. Ford's been waiting for this ever since he got his own DVD-tron from his mother-in-law two years ago, which he hasn't even unpacked before today because he wanted its virgin experience to be The Best Ever. Ford brought the player, christened "Princess Leia," with him on this road trip in anticipation, and tonight he'll be watching all three movies, plus extras, while tucked into his hotel room bed with his old Millennium Falcon. Ford should finish at about 8 am, and after a short nap, will drink seven double mochas, make his way to US Bitchular Field, where he will run around the clubhouse in circles making X-wing sounds until Gardy sends him home. When he recovers is anyone's call.

Posted by Batgirl at September 21, 2004 09:32 PM