Okay, I'm sorry, but this is the most motherflippin' ridiculous thing ever. I mean, Judas Priest, we're fighting for home field advantage here. It's friggin' October next week. I mean, it's October NOW, for gosh's sake, but it's, you know, OCTOBER next week, the Twins still have something to play for, and the game was CALLED today? For COLLEGE FOOTBALL? And let's face it, college football is essentially kiddie porn for anyone who isn't actually in college anymore. Boy, I sure love watching those muscular young bucks suit up and play! Go muscular young bucks! I want to see some TACKLES! We're in the flipping playoffs, and not the frisbee golf playoffs. If it were frisbee golf, Batgirl would understand. Suspend the g-dd-mn frisbee golf all you freakin' want, but let's finish the motherfargin' baseball game.

This is intolerable. Batgirl is apoplectic. Batgirl is muttering and sputtering. Is this tiddly winks? Is this pinochle? Is this jai alai? Is this intermural CRIBBAGE? How do we expect to be a real baseball town if we treat our players and our fans this way? (Oh, and those who attended today's game will receive a FREE UPPER DECK GA TICKET to tomorrow's game or any game next season EXCEPT OPENING DAY. Upper GA! It's almost like being there!) That's so great. That totally makes up for this affront to America's Pastime, this national embarrassment, this large piece of turd laid right in the center of the Twins clubhouse. Thanks, guys, for all your hard work! Now make room for a real sport!

Jesus H. Christ in a Christmas Tree. I mean, oh, hell...

ASS-CRAP! ASS-CRAP! ASS-CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

(Batgirl has said it before, but when he tried to contract her baseball team, Carl Pohlad committed an offense against Batgirl that she thought could never be forgiven. Now, she thinks it might be...in just one way: the Eloise Pohlad Memorial Baseball Stadium. Start digging, guys.)