Well, the Chronicle has the scoop on Barry Bonds's grand jury testimony. Apparently, while Barry did use some of these banned substances, he thought it was flaxseed. And when BatMom smoked all that catnip after Thanksgiving dinner, she thought it was oregano.
It's been a very trying evening for Batgirl, I mean, there's so much bleepin' material in this article, what is one to excerpt? The part where Barry says he was doing blood and urine tests at BALCO because he "was interested in nutrition issues" and he had even employed a "'nutritionist from Stanford?'" Or when he says he started using the cream and the pills while he was distraught over the illness of his dad? Or when he tries valiantly to conceive of a world where the stories "I-didn't-know-what-my-trainer-was-giving-me" and "my-trainer-is-a-saint-who-would-never-give-me-steriods" can co-exist, nay, lead us to the shining ideal of Truth? Or even--Justice? Really, what is a Batgirl to do?
You should just go give the whole thing a read, and come back and tell us what YOUR favorite part is--but here's a choice bit. Batgirl and Sooz will be giving a dramatic reading of the testimony at Bryant Lake Bowl tonight:
The prosecutors queried Bonds about calendars -- taken in a raid on Anderson's home -- that contained his name and notes about performance-enhancing drugs. He replied, "I've never had a calendar with him, never had anything."Bonds said he couldn't explain a calendar page with the name "Barry" on it, nor a note indicating an invoice of $450 for blood tests.
Likewise, Bonds said he couldn't translate a document that had the notation "! G !" along with "one box off season" and "two box season, $1,500."
The prosecutors thought it referred to Bonds' payments for boxes of human growth hormone, but Bonds said, "I don't know what G is."
Asked about a reference to a $450 payment for a bottle of the injectable steroid Depo-Testosterone, Bonds replied, "I have never seen this bottle or any bottle pertaining that says Depo-Testosterone." He also denied ever injecting himself with any drug.
Other documents suggested Bonds was using Clomid, the fertility drug that enhances the effect of testosterone; modafinil, an anti-narcolepsy drug used as a stimulant; and the steroid trenbolone.
"I've never heard of it," Bonds replied to questions about each drug.
Asked about the endurance-boosting agent known as EPO, Bonds said, "I couldn't even pronounce it."
Queried about insulin, which also can have a steroid-like effect, Bonds said, "Insulin? I'm not a diabetic."
Bonds also was quizzed about a document that said, "Barry 12-2-02, T, 1 cc G - pee."
A prosecutor asked, "Does that correspond to you getting, you know, growth hormones or testosterone or giving a urine test or anything of those things that you can recall from Mr. Anderson."
"T could mean anything," Bonds replied. "G could mean anything. And pee could probably mean anything."
Bonds said he had no knowledge of paperwork indicating that starting in 2001, BALCO had been screening his blood not just for nutritional deficiencies but for steroids.
"Do you know why BALCO would have been testing for your testosterone level?" he was asked.
"I have no idea," Bonds replied.
"Do you know why your testosterone level would have been -- according to the report -- higher than the level, the normal range indicated for males 29 to 49 years old?"
"I don't understand this piece of paper," Bonds replied.
Elevated testosterone levels can indicate steroid use, according to medical experts.