Pictures from Art!

You can see chicks with this thing!

AND a report and pictures from Fort Myers from Batling and Bitch Sox fan Ilk. (Perhaps, dear Ilk, you are merely drawn to the Twins during spring training because in your heart, you know they are vastly superior to the Bitch Sox in every way.)

Dear Batgirl,

Spring always makes me itchy for baseball. Since my beloved Bitch Sox train in a nuclear waste dump in Arizona, I opt to go to Florida every year instead.

Got down to Fort Myers at about noon yesterday. Traffic on I-75 was a nightmare and I probably saw more Illinois license plates between Tampa and Fort Myers than I do in Chicago. It was Minnesota Day at Hammond Stadium and the parking lots were jam-packed with tailgating denizens from the Land O'Lakes. Not sure if lefse or lutefisk were part of the bill of fare. Wandered over to the minor league complex and watched the Twins-in-embryo known as the Beloit Snappers take batting practice before their game against the Pirates rookies. They're all young crackers.

As I was walking back toward the stadium, Tom Kelly strolled by all alone in his windbreaker and old man socks with a bat in his hand. I asked him if he had time to sign a ball really quick and he was like "I really really really gotta get going" and gave me a dirty sneer. (Please note: I was not wearing any White Sox attire) I hope the old bastard chokes on the grapefruit-sized wad of chaw he had in his mouth.

Grant Balfour and Lew Ford were goofing off with the TV camera in the Twins dugout right before the game started. Grant even put the controller's headset on and started moving it around. Would have made a great picture, but I had a beer in my hand at the time. [ILK! PUT THE BEER DOWN--BG]

Radke had a great first inning, and then got into trouble after that. I think he shortened up his delivery just a smidge and it seemed like everything was right down the pipe. If you're a soft-tosser who throws right down the pipe, sooner or later you're gonna get shelled.

No limp visible on Mauer. My god he has a sweet swing...that double he hit was just an absolute rope. He was a little hesitant running the bases...but hey, he's a catcher. (On a side note, I think that AJ has supplanted Paul Konerko as the slowest Bitch Sock)

Torrrrriiii made a fantastic running backhanded stab off a Brandon Inge shot in the 5th. I can't stand the guy [PERHAPS BECAUSE HE IS SO AWESOME?--BG], but there is none better at his position in all of baseball.

I'll be blunt. Nathan looked just rotten. I don't think that anyone even swung at most of his offerings, they were so far outside.

The Twins all in all look like the same pesky, perky bunch that's caused me so much misery these past 3 years. Counting the days until the season!

Sincerely,
Ilk

PS: They have this restaurant here called Waffle House. There's really good waffles there [YUM, WAFFLES--BG].

ArtShots!

A little more color in his face...





...if not his swing.





...I'm sad.





I'm Rad!





Happy!





Bum touchie!





Maybe if I get a triple, Newmie will touch my bum, too!





Nice try.





Nice try, again.

And IlkShots:

Didn't somebody take a picture of us doing this yesterday?





Somebody get in there!





That's better.





Pitchee.





Hittee.