Poor Michael Restovich. In the space of two weeks, he's gone from being a prospective Twin to a Devil Ray to a Colorado Rockie. And it's not clear if he'll get a chance to play there. (For a good rundown of the situation there, please see Frightwig's blog at Sundappled Wood.) Indeed, Resto's journey to the major leagues has been nothing short of epic, begging the question, which god did he piss off?

I mean, here he was, this strong strapping young lad, filled with promise and possessing himself of one fine boom boom stick. His heroics on the field were legendary—none more so than during the 1997 Minnesota State High School Baseball Tournment when he led the Rochester Mayo Spartans to a great come-from-behind victory over Owatonna with a very interesting ninth-inning gambit.

Swathed in glory, Michael Restovich set sail upon the wine-dark sea heading for the Big Leagues.

But the journey was not to be as simple as he thought. Poor Restovich's ship crashed upon the shores of Rochester, New York, where an evil sorceress enslaved him, stuck him in a uniform of her dastardly International League baseball team.

The sorceress kept him for years while his very hot wife waited patiently for him to reach the Bigs.

And then finally, the gods who had so long ignored him smiled on him and told him he was out of options.

They told the sorceress she had to let him go, and so she gave him a raft and a baseball bat and sent him off in the general direction of the Big Leagues.

But the way would not be easy. During Resto's journey his raft was tossed asunder and the poor lad was washed up completely naked on a nameless shore with a broken collarbone. There, a kind young woman gave him some clothes and helped him with strength training and introduced him to her father, who thought he might be a good power hitter off the bench. The man said he could send him to the Bigs himself, for he had to keep Corky Miller on the roster, so instead he gave Resto a nice ship with a good crew, and when rose-fingered Dawn rose across the sky, he sent him out to find his own way.

But Resto's trials were not over, for he learned that before he could get to the Bigs he would have to sail where no mortal has gone before and lived to tell the tale—the Land of the Dead, a.k.a. Tampa Bay. His crew gnashed their teeth and rent their garments at the news, but there was no choice.

When Resto arrived in Tampa Bay, he found that the poor Shades condemned there for all eternity were inexorably drawn to his life force, and it creeped him out and he got the hell out of there.

Feeling as if he had escaped a terrible fate, Resto set sail again, but one night the crew decided to stop for shelter on a remote island. In the morning, Resto went to investigate the caves, where he found a terrible one-eyed monster. The monster trapped Resto and his crew and before you knew it, one of them got eaten.

But clever Resto blinded the Cyclops and the men escaped, and when they got on their ship they found calm seas and a good wind. So they set sail—destination: Colorado, home of the lovely Circe and her phat snow lodge.

And finally the Bigs? For that, we shall have to wait. Just like Resto's very hot wife.