We know by now that the Twins pitching staff likes to spot their opponents a few runs in the first inning, just to make things more equitable, so tonight when the Bitch Sox had runners on second and third with no outs two minutes into the game, it seemed like all was par for the course. Then Carl Everett hit a sac fly and Lew Ford's throw skipped past Corky "Corky" Miller. Fine, one run; we're used to it. So then Paul Konerko came up with Iguchi on 3rd, and hit a fly to Torii Hunter and everyone watching said, "You don't want to run on Sweetcheeks, do you?" And no, Iguchi did not want to run on Sweetcheeks, and it was a good thing for him, too, because Sweetcheeks threw the most gorgeous strike to Corky "Corky" Miller. That strike was like a freakin' Monet it was so damned pretty, and the Bitch Sox third base coach could only pat Iguchi on the bum and say, "See? You don't want to run on Sweetcheeks."

So, we got out of that inning with just one run, and it was like a miracle. The Bitch Sox added one more in the 3rd, and it looked like it might be another one of those days—until in the bottom of that inning Sweetcheeks strode up to the plate with two on and coaxed a 3-0 count out of Mark Buehrle. And then, the miracle happened—the 3-0 pitch came and Torii took it for a strike. I'm not kidding. He took a pitch. Because it wasn't his pitch and as we all know, if Torii Hunter does one thing, he waits for his pitch. Which Buerhle promptly served him and Boom! the ball went over the left field porch, giving the Twins a two-run lead and making Torii Sweetcheeks Hunter the Boyfriend of the Day.

Batlings/Field 1, Batgirl/Joe 1, Goober/Justin 1, Sooz/Stewie 0.