Detroit at Twins. Twins 5, Tigers 4.

Well, I'm not really a writer, but Batgirl asked me to fill in for her tonight since I wasn't doing anything else, really, and when Batgirl asks you a favor, you do it. I mean I'm not really on the DL yet, but I'm going on tomorrow, and I knew I wasn't going to play tonight. I don't want to go on the DL, even though Gardy said it's retroactive but since I got hit in the head I really don't understand words more than two syllables.

Anyway, I sat right behind the action tonight with the bat boy and I saw the whole game. It's nice that the Metrodome is inside because natural light makes me not feel so good. But that's not important. What's important is that I sat there just behind the batters and I wasn't scared, even when J.C. Romero was pitching. I'm not scared at all, it's just my head doesn't feel so good when I stand up or move or think. Or when we give up runs in the first inning. I know we've decided to spot people a couple runs now, and I have to say I'm not really sure why we're doing that. Maybe it's just the concussion talking, but it doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, everyone's picking us to win and all and we just want to make things fair, and we feel bad because we have Johan Santana and they don't, but I think we're taking it a little far. And I thought it would be nice for Joe Mays to be able to get out of the first inning unscathed, because he does get, ah, you know how he gets.

Well, I'm not the one who makes those kind of decisions, and anyway it kind of hurts where they took out that lymph node, so I get distracted sometimes and don’t think so good. Still, when Mays came back into the dugout after the first I was afraid he might kick something and it might fly off and hit me in my appendectomy scar. But he was pretty calm. Still, by the time he walked his fourth batter I went over to Mike Redmond and asked to borrow his chest protector, because you can never be too careful.

Pudge Rodriguez is really skinny now, and I don't understand why. I asked him if he'd had pneumonia in the off-season, too, but he just gave me a weird look. Mike Redmond's kid Ryan has pneumonia, and I went to visit him because I could totally relate, and we just sat there and coughed for awhile. In the hospital, I got some more dizzy spells, so they gave me another CAT scan and say I'm just fine. I think I'll feel better soon. I hope so.

I'm supposed to talk about the game, but sometimes I got distracted by the way the light reflected off Mike Maroth's hair gel. Honestly, he wears more gel than Radke! Oh, and did you see when he hit Torii in the thigh? I winced pretty good and covered my pee pee area, just in case. Then I went into the clubhouse and cried for a little bit.

I got back in time to see Bartlett hit his first major league home run to tie the game at one, and it was really sweet, except when he came into the dugout LeCroy hit him in the head and knocked his helmet off. I really wish he'd be more careful. It's nice of him to play first for me, and no one's picking on my defense anymore. Gardy told him to play closer to the base—they told him it was just so he wouldn't be tempted to field balls that are really for Rivas, but we all know it's because it takes him a lot longer to get to the bag than it might take a normal person. Matty says he's big boned, but sometimes I wonder.

Okay, so back to the game. Jason Bartlett hit his first big league homer and he was trying to be all cool about it, but I could tell he was excited. These young kids are so adorable! And that was it until Mays walked another guy to lead off the inning and then Craig Monroe hit a ball into the left field stands, and I just hope it didn't hit any of the fans. I asked one of the ushers to check it out, but he just looked at me like he couldn't understand what I was saying. Maybe he couldn't; I've been slurring my words a little bit since I got hit in the head

In the bottom of the inning Cuddy got a run back by hitting a dinger, like, 420 feet. I used to hit balls that far, but I lost a lot of upper arm strength with the pleurisy. Then in the 6th, Mauer led off with a bunt down the third base line and Brandon Inge totally freaked out and threw the ball way over Carlos Pena's head. That's the sort of thing they might blame the first baseman for, but really there's only so much you can do when they throw the ball over your head. So Mauer ran all the way to second on the play, but he tripped over second base and I almost had a heart attack. I mean a real one.

So, Joe was on second with nobody out and we're behind one run, and then Matty was up, and I could have sworn that he hit a grounder to third, but he couldn't possibly have done that because if he hits a grounder to the left side the runner on second can’t advance. I mean, I know what I saw, but I've been hallucinating a little bit lately, so I can't be sure. But anyway after that Torii got a single and Jacque a sac fly, so we tied the game up! It was pretty exciting, and I almost smiled.

Well, the Tigers got a run back off Old Man Mulholland to make it 4-3, or maybe it was off Jesse Crain. It's all kind of a blur, and I was getting major head rushes then. And then J.C. came in and I went to get a helmet to wear, even though it hurts my head to wear a hat. By the time I could find a helmet that didn't squish my curls too much, we were up again and the Tigers were using their fifth pitcher.

I don’t really understand what Alan Trammell was doing in this game. I mean he put in pretty much his whole bullpen, and I thought it was really nice of him to show us all their pitchers, but he couldn't have done it to be nice, could he? Could he? I wanted to ask him, but one of my chicken pox scars was really itching.

Well, in the bottom of the eighth Ugueth Urbina was pitching. He walked Bartlett to lead off the inning, and then he walked Chairman Mauer, and neither of them swung the bat once. I think I heard Alan Trammell's brain exploding, but my ears have been ringing since I got hit in the head, so I can't be sure. Anyway, it's the bottom the eighth, there are two runners on, and the pitcher can't find the strike zone if it were the size of a hockey goal, and Matty comes up and swings at the first pitch. The first pitch! Sure, he ended up advancing the runners on the fly, but, you don't swing on the first pitch when the guy's so wild. Even I know that, and I've had five concussions. But sometimes LeCroy is thinking harder about his crawdads than the count. I can't really eat crawdads, because I'll break out in hives and start vomiting all over the place and I'll swell up somewhere very personal, so it can be really hard when Matty invites everyone out for crawdads. I get really uncomfortable. I can't tell him the truth because he'll make fun of me so I just say I have to go home and call my mom.

Well, anyway Jacque got the tying run in, and then Boo Berry pitched a fierce ninth inning and when he came into the dugout he had smoke coming off of his skin and I was a little concerned but everyone else seemed fine with it, so I didn't say anything.

Oh, and then Troy Percival came on to close, even though the game was tied, but I guess Alan Trammell didn't have any pitchers left or something. And we've never scored anytime ever against Percival, except when Dusty Mohr broke Bengie Molina's wrist, but I was feeling pretty confident that we’d be able to win the game tonight without hurting anyone. After we came back in the eighth, everyone in the dugout just started to seem all happy and relaxed and excited, and it was like old times. Except Corey wasn't there. I miss Corey. Sometimes I like to close my eyes and pretend he's still in the dugout, but then someone makes fun of me and he's not there to defend me and I know he's really gone. The last couple of nights when I've gone to sleep I've heard him whispering to me. It might just be because I got hit in the head, but it's still pretty nice.

Oh, well, so Lew led off the bottom of the ninth with a single (and yes, BG, he does make choo choo noises when he runs. He also makes light saber noises when he pees. It kind of disturbs me.) and then Cuddy moved him over, and then little Nicky walked, and then Shannon came up, and I took off my helmet, because I knew there weren't going to be any more pitches. Shannon Stewart was going to score Lew one way or another, because he's Shannon Stewart, and that's just what he does, and I know our batting hasn't been so good but I think a comeback like this is exactly what we needed. Of course, I have a concussion, so what do I know?

Some of the guys got pretty crazy in the postgame celebration, but I stayed far away. I just gave Stewie a nice handshake later, and he was pretty cool about it.

Anyway, thanks BG; this was fun, though I have to stop typing now. I'm feeling a little carpal tunnel coming on. I just want to thank everyone for being so nice during this difficult time. I can’t wait to get back and play. Torii says I should ask if I can wear the batting helmet on the field, too. I think he might be making fun of me, but really, it's a good idea.