Twins at Baltimore. Orioles 7, Twins 4.

At about 4:30 this afternoon, Jeb, Batgirl, and the Batkitties Three walked (or were carried, depending) into the offices of their friendly neighborhood veterinarian for yet another round in the epic struggle of BG vs. the Batkitty Blackheads. As we checked in, we could not help but hear the loud and mournful howls coming from the back of the building.

Batgirl looked at the vet tech and muttered, "Wow, some kitty's not very happy."

The vet tech glanced around and shook her head. "There are no kitties back there," she said in a low voice, then she pointed us to our room and hurried quickly away.

"That was odd," Jeb said.

"Way odd," said Batgirl.

"Get me out of here," said the Batkitties.

So we all settled down to wait, Batgirl and Jeb comforting the Batkitties who would have none of it, but the howling continued, growing only more agonized. Batgirl could take it no more and she called the vet tech back.

"It seems like someone's really suffering," Batgirl said. "Are you sure no one's back there?"

"Just the doctor," the vet said ominously.

"Um, okay. " Batgirl and Jeb exchanged a look. "You know, it's been kind of a while. Will he be in soon?"

"We'll see," she said darkly, and left.

We waited, and waited, the kitty blackheads growing by the minute. At one point Jeb mused, "I wonder how the Twins game is going?" and Batgirl said cheerfully, "I'm sure it's fine. Guerrier had it all under control!"

Then, a howl to shatter the heavens reverberated through the building. Jeb looked at Batgirl and Batgirl looked at Jeb. It was time to act. We opened the office door and peeked down the hallway, but saw no sign of the vet tech. Jeb nodded at Batgirl—"you check it out," he said. "I'll take care of the Batkitties."

So, using her stealth powers, Batgirl crept down the hallway, peering into room after room, and at first everything seemed normal. She kept going, slowly, carefully. Then, there was an earsplitting wail, as if some creature was getting his very soul torn out, and Batgirl took off in the direction of the noise—the surgery wing.

She tore open the door, expecting to have to unleash a can of serious Batwhupass, but there was no one in the room. All was silent. But there, huddled in the corner was a man—the doctor, holding himself and shaking.

Batgirl ran over. "Dr. Batvet!" she said. "What is it? What's wrong?"

But he did not respond, he just kept rocking. That's when Batgirl noticed the headphones attached to his ears. Quickly, she disengaged them, and carefully placed them near her own ears.

What happened next is something of a blur. There was Dazzle, and Gordo was there, too. Batgirl heard the words "J.C. Romero," and "bases loaded" and "walk" and "Crazy-ass-Tiffee-throw," and soon, she understood what had happened to poor Dr. Batvet. She put the headphones down and crouched next to the vet.

"Dr. Batvet?" she said in a calm voice. "Dr. Batvet? I need you to listen to me." She put her hand on his arm. "It's going to be okay, Dr. Batvet, it is."

His eyes widened and he shook his head in some combination of disbelief and horror.

"Okay, maybe it's not going to be okay today. But that's okay. We lose games. Sometimes, you know, things happen…"

At this point, something seemed to shift inside the vet. His eyes narrowed and his face twisted up into something terrible. "Things happen?" he hissed. "Things HAPPEN!" He shook his head violently. "Johan Santana does not give up four runs. That does not just HAPPEN."

"I know, but—"

"And we do not get shut down by Sidney Fat Ass Ponson. That does not just HAPPEN."

"Well, we didn't really—"

"It doesn't just HAPPEN that Matt Guerrier puts two on to start the 8th in a tie game. And it doesn't just HAPPEN that J.C. Romero then gives up a single and a walk! I mean, the bases were loaded, and then there were two outs. And then…and then…Terry Tiffee…he…well…oh god, oh god…"

Something changed in Dr. Batvet then, his voice cracked and his anger dissolved in a fit of tears. Batgirl sighed and put her arm around the vet and he collapsed in sobs.

"There, there," Batgirl said soothingly.

"Oh god, it was so awful."

"I know, I know."

"I can't get the screaming out of my head. THEY WON'T STOP SCREAMING!"

"There, there."

"PLEASE BATGIRL MAKE IT STOP!"

Pretty soon, Jeb and the Batkitties Three came looking for Batgirl and found the pair still huddled in a corner. Batgirl mouthed to Jeb, "Orioles 7, Twins 4," and Jeb just nodded heavily. As for the Batkitties, well, they were not disturbed, for they had been down this road before and had seen many late-inning losses, many bullpen meltdowns, many spastic rookie throws, and they knew there would be many more in the future, for that is the way of baseball, but their job right now was to not to beat their kitty chests over what might have been, but rather to find the damn tranquilizers, dose the vet (and possibly Batgirl and Jeb if necessary), and get the hell out of there.