Okay, it's been a hard week. The Twins are standing on the precipice of a sucking-time, the Bitch Sox stubbornly refuse to have a nice fifteen-game losing streak, and someone stole Johan Santana's mojo. What we needed today, more than anything, was a good pitching performance. Well, we got four of them; Messers Chocula, Berry, and The-Crain-Train just shone out of the bullpen, reitring nine straight, but more importantly, our starter, Mr. Kyle Lohse took the ball and said, "Hello, Ball. Tonight I will throw you with confidence, grace, and a dash of kickass." Aided by a few well-timed double plays (and clearly channeling the Jackal) Lohse pitched six innings, allowing just two runs. Yes, he got into trouble sometimes, and yes he walked two batters and both came around to score, but Lohse never lost his composure, and he let the Twins win the game. A quality start—just what the doctor (not to mention the Doctor) ordered—and that makes you, Kyle Lohse, the Boyfriend of the Day.

Jeb/Lewwww 6, Field/ Readers 6, Goober/Dr. Morneau 4, Sooz/ Stewie 4, Batgirl/Joe 2.