Twins at LAAAAAAA. Twins 7, LAAAAAA 5

The Declaration of Independence of the Minnesota Twins
In ANAHEIM, July 4, 2005

The Unanimous Declaration of the Twenty-Five Minnesota Twins, Plus T.C. Bear

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Baseball and of Baseball's Gods entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Baseball Player-kind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all baseball teams are created equal, that they are endowed by the Baseball Gods with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Free Agents. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Players, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Players, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government. When a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government.—Such has been the patient sufferance of these Twins; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present Commissioner of Baseball is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Twins.

We, therefore, the Minnesota Twins, in General Congress, Assembled, in Anaheim, where we executed with RISP for once and are rather chuffed about the Whole Thing, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of Twins Territory, solemnly publish and declare, That these Minnesota Twins are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to Bud Selig, and that all political connection between them and the State of Bud Selig, is and ought to be totally dissolved. We also declare that Bud Selig is a Wanker of Highest Order. Assemblyman LeCroy would like to declare that he fancies some Tea or, even better, a Pudding. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Also, Your Momma.

The Minnesota Twins