LAA of A at Twins. Angels 3, Twins 2.

Dear Bret Boone,

Hi! Welcome to Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes! We’re glad you're here. I have really good news for you—you won yesterday's round of Minnesota Twins: Hottest Chick!! Turns out as a chick, you're mad hot!

Well, the BatFamily was at the game tonight, and we sure cheered loud for you. In fact, everyone did. I bet that felt pretty good. I bet it would have felt even better to get a hit!

What I'm saying is I can imagine it must be really hard to go into a new clubhouse and all. You really want to fit in! Usually, when people try to fit in to a new group, they make a huge effort to be like everyone else in the group. I can see that's what you were doing with the bat tonight. But, you know, the Twins have always respected mavericks, and I think Torii Hunter's much more likely to let you hang out with the cool kids if you do something really different, like convert on those opportunities. Give it a try, see what happens! You know, the last guy we acquired during the All-Star Break went oh-fer on his first day, too, and he ended up being the team MVP! Isn't that cool?

Welcomingly,
Batgirl

Dear Mike Scoscia,

BatMom got a good gander at you when you were coming off the mound and wanted you to know that neon red isn't really a very slimming color. She suggested black, perhaps with some kind of vertical stripe pattern to draw the eye upwards.

Helpfully,
BG

Dear Vladimir Guerrero,

You know I'm not sure red is the best color for you either. You know what would be a really good color for you? Dark blue. Dark blue would make you look really, really, really hot.

Thoughtfully,
BG

Dear Brendan Donnelly,

Hi, I'm Batgirl! Let's talk about things that aren't cool. ABBA, for instance. ABBA isn't cool. Wearing socks with sandals=not cool. Black socks and shorts, also not cool. And you know what else isn't cool? THROWING AT PEOPLE'S HEAD.

Or is the ball just a little slippery without pine tar?

Curiously,
BG

Dear LNP,

You sure did a good job leading off the seventh inning with a walk. Given that the strike zone was the size of, well, you, I think that was pretty impressive. After all, in a one run game your job in the late innings is to get on base, no matter what, and then the next guy can bunt you over into scoring position! It's perfect! A well-oiled machine!

Enthusiastically,
BG

Dear Juan Castro,

Meet Sooz for bunting practice tomorrow at noon, okay? I suggest you be punctual.

Ominously,
BG

Dear Kyle Lohse,

Okay, you know what? You kept the Angels to three runs. That's impressive. The Angels are so good they're from two cities! You got Vladimir Guerrero out twice. Vladimir Guerrero is really scary. Did you know his last name means "warrior" and his first name means "I kick your ass all over the place?" It's funny because it's true.

Okay, the fifth inning wasn't your best. You know how they led off with a single, a double, and a triple? That was kind of scary. It made BatMom bury her face in her hands, which is very sad. But it could have been a lot worse. Darin Erstad hit a ball that would have been an out if Matt "Twinkletoes" LeCroy hadn't fallen down trying to field it, and you could have totally lost your sh&t there, I mean you could have gone all Tom-Cruise-On-Oprah, but you didn't. Maybe it was just because Bret Boone came over and patted you on the butt afterwards. I thought that was pretty cool. That's just the kind of move we can expect from a veteran like Bret Boone. Before we had Bret Boone, who would have come over and patted you on the butt, I ask you? We haven't had a good butt-patter at second base since Lombo!

But I digress. Other than that one inning, you were hot with a capital K, even a backwards K. Thanks for not sucking this year!

Appreciatively,
BG

Dear Matt LeCroy,

You know how you fell down trying to field that ball at first? That was funny. Both funny ha-ha and funny hmmmm.

Conflictedly,
BG

Dear Chone Figgins,

Usually, it's spelled differently. That's why we get confused.

Phonetically,
BG

Dear Torii,

Call me.

Warmly,
BG