Twins at Boston. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday. Boston 8, Twins 5.
Saturday. Boston 6, Twins 2.
Sunday. Boston 4. Twins 3.

There was nothing pretty about this weekend of baseball, even with Bronson Arroyo pitching. The Minnesota Twins seemed to take Batgirl's Thursday proclamation of "It Could Be Worse" as some kind of challenge. Friday's game was particularly bad—not only did Torii go down and J.C. Romero give up a grand slam to my high school history teacher, but in the fifth inning the Twins engaged in some defensive follies worthy of a clown posse at a baseball-themed circus. A really depressing baseball themed circus. To call it the Keystone Kops would be an insult to the crime fighting acumen of those fine kops. To call it a comedy of errors would imply that there was anything funny at all about what transpired on that baseball field. To call it Crazy Pepe's Chug and Toss would be an affront to that noble game and its grand history of chugging and tossing.

It started when Carlos Silva put two batters on with two out, and then Johnny Damon stroked a single to right and by the time the play was over Damon had come around to score (after having gotten hit in the head with Li'l-Rod's throw home) two errors were charged on the play (the fact that there were only two was a great act of charity on the scorekeeper's part) the ball had earned a spot in the pinball Hall of Fame (and possibly a Purple Heart) and Batgirl was gathering some blankets getting ready to dive back in her hole.

It's really hard to explain what happened—the English language really only has so many words for "ass"—so with some trepidation Batgirl set out to reenact the play for her readership, using Legos.

But something strange happened, as you'll see from the tape.

The Lego guys prepare to take the field to film the scene. Lego Bill Mueller and Lego Tony Graffanino head to first and second. Lego Johnny Damon strides to the plate.

Meanwhile, the Twins Legos get their directions.





"I'm supposed to do what?" exclaimed Lego Carlos Silva.

"Nun-uh," said Lego Justin Morneau. "I always cut off the ball. I'll look bad if I don't cut off the ball! I've got a rep, here!"





"They've got me missing the ball, like, twice!" grumbles Lego Joe Mauer. "That's not in my contract. I don't do physical comedy."

"What is this, Amateur Hour?" said Lego Silva. "F*** this sh**. I didn't go to Lego Juilliard for this. Come on guys, let's walk."

"YEAH!"





Then, with a strange gleam in his eye, Lego Morneau turned toward us and put his hand up.
"There's nothing to see here," he said. "We're done for the day. Put the camera down."





With a menacing expression, Lego Morneau takes a step forward.





"I SAID—"





"PUT. THE. CAMERA. DOWN."