Twins at Oakland. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday. Twins 1, Athletics 0.
Saturday. A's 5, Twins 2.
Sunday. Twins 2, A's 1.
Now that Torii Hunter's out for the season, the question of who commands the stereo has created a lot of tension in the Twins clubhouse. After much squabbling, a Mike Redmond hissy fit, and some major agita on the part of Kyle Lohse, bench coach Steve Liddle developed a stereo-privileges wheel, using a kit he ordered from Parenting magazine, to determine who would be in charge on any given day. The wheel also served to designate tasks such as taking out the clubhouse garbage and reminding Gardy to take his blood pressure pills.
The wheel proved very successful, though close observers noted that Lew Ford's turn kept falling on an off-day. When questioned, Liddle said enigmatically, "Baseball is a game of inches."
On Friday, for the first time, the chore wheel favored Justin Morneau who was so excited he showed up five hours before game time with his entire CD collection, which he had had his mom ship down just for the occasion. Indeed, the Twins clubhouse was ready to rock.
So, when Johan Santana walked in to the visitors' clubhouse at McAfee Coliseum, he was greeted with a sound unlike any he'd ever heard before.
"What is this mierda?" he shouted, putting his hands to his ears.
"It's Whitesnake!" said Morneau, flashing the universal signal for "Rock on!"
"MY EARS! MY EARS!" screeched Santana, falling to the ground, writhing and clutching his ears.
"It's better than the crap Stew was playing yesterday!" muttered Jason Bartlett.
"Hey!" Stewie said. "Renee Fleming is one of the greatest sopranos ever to tackle Gounod!"
"I'll give you two million dollars if you shut it off," whimpered Santana, still writhing.
But it was to no avail. Santana offered his Cy Young award, his first born, a position in the Santana Cabinet, but Morneau would not relent. And as Santana took the mound, he found "Here I Go Again (1987)" echoing unrelentingly in his head.
And the rest is rock history.
The next day, it was Johan's turn to work the stereo, and to the surprise of many he reached into Morneau's CD collection.
"Tu eres loco?" asked Silva.
"It works," said Santana. He turned to Morneau. "What is this--" he articulated carefully— 'Twisted Sister?' It is good, si?"
"It ROCKS!" said Morneau, flashing the hand signal again.
To make a long story short, everything was going very well for the Twins until the 6th inning. During the Twins at bat, Joe Mays decided to slip into the dugout to visit the little boys room and thought he might take some time to listen to some Morrissey.
You know what happened next.
Suffice to say on Sunday, when it was Carlos Silva's turn both on the mound and with the stereo, instead of playing the hot new track he, Santana, and Juan Castro had recorded that weekend called "Livin' La Vida Loca," he left the stereo to Morneau and the Twins came out thrashing to the sounds of Quiet Riot.
Rock on, my friends, rock on.