It was supposed to be a short cut, that was all. For the girl was tired after visiting her grandmother, and still had to blog—even though it wasn't the same anymore. It hadn't been the same all season, without him.

She had been told, of course, never to go into the woods. And when she was young, she was scared of them, for strange sounds emerged from there at night. Something was in those woods, she was told, something not quite of this earth.

But she was older now and not scared of much besides Francisco Rodriguez and Batkitty blackheads. She had given up childhood fears. She was not scared of the woods. The woods were lovely, dark, and deep. And it would be so much shorter, to cut through them…. Just straight ahead, no problem, just like that…

But it got dark so quickly in the woods, and the shadows made such strange shapes. There—is that the trip through the NL West? A strange caw came from the distance, and from somewhere else, a raven's cry—Hee-Seop Choi! Hee-Seop-Choi? The girl's heart began to pound, and behind her she heard the approach of heavy footsteps—was that C.C. Sabathia? Was he coming for her? She began to run, run as fast as she could through the woods, through the terrible darkness, with the footsteps behind her all the way, growing closer and closer and then—

Her foot struck something and she plummeted to the ground, the bones in her ankle shattering. Who put that ass-bat there? It didn't matter, now, there was no time for recriminations, for the footsteps were almost upon her, she was in third place, and soon it would all end horribly.

No, no, she told herself, her heart pounding, you can get through this. Just think of Corey Koskie. His light will show you the way. And so she did, she closed her eyes and she thought of Corey, Corey would not be scared. Corey would just beat up a chair and hit lots of homers and say "eh?" Corey Koskie was not scared of anything. And maybe if she wished hard enough, Corey Koskie would come save her now.

Please Corey Koskie. she whispered. Please, come save me. Corey Koskie, you are my only hope.

And then, suddenly, there was a light in the sky and the girl's heart swelled. The light grew and took shape and suddenly became a person—Corey? He was coming! He was coming to save her from all of this!

No, no, not Corey, but an angel, great and terrible, he had white hair and a shiny palette, and he said, "I am sorry, young girl, but Corey Koskie is not coming for you. He's been traded to Milwaukee."

And then the angel shrugged and added, "I've asked Tony Batista to come save you. He's a real free swinger."

And then the girl was mauled by a bear.

Finis.