In a development that will shock nobody, the Minnesota Twins have filed a lawsuit asking to get out of their Metrodome lease after 2006. As you may recall, it was the team's Metrodome lease that kept Carl Pohlad from cutting the team into bits and selling the players' organs for cash on the black market in 2002.

While team officials were quick to say that this lease issue had absolutely nothing at all in the world to do with the stadium issue and was by no means a thinly-veiled threat to move the team if the ballpark bill isn’t passed and how on Earth could Batgirl think such a thing, Batgirl still remained skeptical. So, she called one of her sources inside the Twins organization. Here is the transcript:

BG: So, Anonymous Source, is this a posturing move? Are the Twins trying to threaten the fans again?

AS: No, no, it isn't this time. The Twins have a real problem with the Metrodome Commission. They're very restrictive.

BG: Right. Something about box seats and…

AS: No, that's not it. I mean, sure, it's a problem and the Metrodome Commission isn't playing fair with the organization. But the real issue is their stringent no puppy eating policy.

BG: (Pause) No Puppy Eating? Is that something about concession rates?

AS: No, no, it's quite literal. We in the Twins organization like to snack on puppies for lunch. And the Dome guys won't let us.

BG: ….

AS: Some people like your basic working dog, but that's too tough for me. I prefer something from the hound group—a good Basset puppy just bursts with flavor. You should try it with soy sauce.

BG….

AS: We would lure children who were walking their puppies on the plaza in and then eat the puppies. The children's tears made for nice seasoning. Until the Metrodome cracked down.

BG:…

AS: You know what's also delicious? Orphans. I don't know what it is, something about losing both parents makes for a very tender, rich meat.

BG:…

AS: They don't allow that, either. So we had to sue. Anyway, I hope in 2007 the Minnesota Twins can find themselves at a place that doesn't restrict puppy-eating. And if we have to move the team, well, the tears of baseball fans, young and old, will just help us season our puppies.

BG:…

AS: Oh, and the orphans. Them, too.