Justin Morneau has had a prodigious career for a young lad. But it was not until today that he could count himself among the great Justins in baseball history. Who, for instance, could forget Justine Bateman's spikes-up, takeout slide of Nell Carter in the famous Family Ties-Gimme A Break intramural slugfest in 1982. Or Justin Timberlake's gangsta rap/jazz hands interpretation of the 1927 Yankees "Murderers Row" pennant drive. But today's heroics rivaled those of Justinian, the Roman Emperor credited with bringing Bakbal to Rome from Greece and rechristening it "Bakbalum." Unlike the Greek version -- played in the nude with three small goats serving as the bases or "baks" -- the Roman version involved a ball made of flaming tar, a bat rendered from a large fertility symbol, and an angry bear chained to first base. The Romans always pitched, the Gauls always batted, and no one ever got past first base (except romantically). Playing the Yankees sometimes feels like that, except this time the Empire fell. A solitary Gaul came to the plate in the ninth inning, brushed his sandy ringlets away from his eyes, looked at the flaming missile coming from the Emperor, and said: "I am not afraid." One swing, one fluttering hit, ecstasy. And that makes you, Justin Morneau, not just a great Justin in history, but -- even more importantly -- the Boyfriend of the Day.

Batbaby/Torii: 3; Readers/The Field: 2; Goober/Justin: 1; Everybody Else: 0.