Yesterday's B.O.D. was devoted to our favorite slab of Canadian beef. But today's is devoted to some different inanimate objects. The one on the left, well, that one's fun for sweeping. The one in the center I believe plays in the outfield for our ten-person softball team. (Poor David Ortiz: Minnesota screws him AGAIN.) And the one on the right . . . what's that on his chin? And didn't the bearer of that scraggy growth just hit three home runs in three days? I suppose the advance scouts are going to catch up with you someday. But for now, those key dingers make you -- and your chin, Kubes -- the Boyfriend of the Day.

Goober/Doctor: 8; Readers/The Field: 8; Batbaby/Torii: 6; Batgirl/Chairman 4; Jeb/ Lewwww3; Sooz/Stewie 2.