With all due props to El Presidente—who showed us tonight why is he so universally beloved by the whole electorate, and who followed Mr. Brad Radke's statement-making performance with one of his own, and the gods know we need it—what we also needed after weekend of ass-battery of epic proportions was some clutch hitting. Which means, essentially, that when a guy is on base in front of you, you don't hit into a double play. Crazy, I know. The Twins had a few chances to pad their lead tonight, and just couldn't convert—and it looked as if the Twins might blow another chance in the eighth. And then Jake Westrbook intentionally walked Joe Mauer to get to Michael Cuddyer, which really just makes him angry. Cuddy laced the pitch to left, got two runs of padding that turned out to be quite essential, and earned himself the Boyfriend of the Day.

Goober/Doctor 21; Readers/The Field 20; Batbaby/Torii 9; Sooz/(Cuddy) 8; Batgirl/Chairman 7; Jeb/Lewwww 4.