Oakland at Twins. A's 1, Twins 0.

It would have been too easy. Getting Liriano back now in full form—why that would set the Twins on about a twenty game win streak, right through the playoffs, with Santana and Liriano making every other start, until Game Seven of the World Series, when Liriano sprains his phalange on the follow through striking out that pretty boy from the Mets and suddenly the Twins are left without a starting pitcher. What are they to do? Santana can only go every other day—he's only human after all. And that's when Brad Radke stands up in the Twins clubhouse and shouts, Get me some fish glue! And Gardenhire says, No, Brad, you can't! It's too risky! And Radke steels his jaw and says I've never thought about the risks and solemnly Pat Neshek brings him the tub of fish glue from the freezer and Josh Rabe brings him his right arm and Bradke yells Someone put my arm back on! and Gardy says I can't allow this to happen, Brad. Nothing's worth this. and Brad's eyes grow steely and he says Then I'll put it on myself. And before anyone can protest, Radke dips his left hand in the fish glue and smears it on, then wrenches his right arm away from Rabe and attaches it all by himself. Then he stands, looks around the clubhouse daring anyone to stop him and says, Excuse me, I have a game to pitch. And then he goes out and he pitches, he pitches like he's never pitched before, he pitches like it's the Cupcake Day to end all Cupcake Days, and even though the arm is slowly falling off, the Mets can do nothing, nothing at all, and finally it's the ninth inning and the Twins have just scored their first run of the game when Joe Mauer got a hit with Little Nicky Punto on first and he rode his magic fucking unicorn all the way home, and then in the top of the ninth the slowly slipping off arm causes Bradke to walk Jose Reyes because he's a control pitcher and it's hard to control your pitches when your arm is falling off and then it's two outs and Reyes has made his way to third and that pretty boy steps up and there's two quick strikes to him and then three balls and then Bradke rears back and throws with all his might, it's the last pitch of his life, because the arm flies off with the ball, but it's also the best pitch of his life, and that pretty boy swings and misses, he misses the ball and the arm, and the next thing Bradke knows he's at the bottom of a huge Twins pile, and Joe Mauer is beating him over the head with his right arm in his ecstasy, and nothing in the whole world has ever been better than that.

But it's not to be, alas. It is going to have to be some other pitcher who dislocates his phalange in Game Seven, because Francisco Liriano is out for the season. And it is too bad, because we sure like that kid, because he would have won every game he pitched, because he scares the pants off people and opposing batters look funny without their pants, plus it throws off their timing, and now we will have to look to the Boofster and Silva and maybe even Macho Matt Garza who showed us a thing or two about being the Twins number one draft pick this afternoon. And we have done it before, we have lost our whole outfield, we have lost Liriano, we have lost Radke, and each time we have said, well, it's too bad, we really could have done something this year, and yet somehow we are magically still here, still working toward the moment when Brad Radke strides to the mound in Game Seven and gives his right arm to victory, and so now we are going to have to solider on, again, but we're used to it. Feel better soon, Kid. Thanks for all you did for us, and we'll see you next year.

Now, let's go get them Sabathias.