Cuddles is gracing the cover of Today's Groom.

I don't know about this, baseball players or no. Today's Groom sounds like something purchased exclusively by today's bride and thrust upon today's unwitting groom, where it will end up in the pile of magazines by the toilet unread, until today's bride finds it there under some old Newsweeks, short of some water damage as pristine as the day it came off the rack, and sighs heavily, because for a while there she allowed herself to believe she was marrying someone who might read Today's Groom, who might really get into analyzing all the different tuxedo options and read reviews of caterers and look for the best manscaper in town--not the second best, mind you, because when you're getting manscaped you really don't want to skimp--and of course she hasn't, she's marrying you, and of course while intellectually she knows you were never going to crack that glossy cover, and she knows that that, in fact, is part of your charm, and she has many people she can talk to about tuxedoes and caterers and manscaping, there's really no one who makes her laugh quite like you do, and she'll remember that eventually, she really will, though it will be sometime long after she holds the copy of Today's Groom in her hand and gives you that look, you know the look, and there's nothing Michael Cuddyer's dimples can do for you then.

Oh, and Vote Joe.