You’d think something that we live with 24/7 would be second nature, but time baffles us. The years fly swiftly by, seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers, blossoming even as we gaze. It’s trite, it’s sentimental, and it’s blatantly lifted from Fiddler on the Roof, but it’s true.
And if it’s true in life, it’s true in baseball. We tend to judge players’ age based on how long we’ve known them instead of how old they really are. So while we’re twiddling our thumbs this spring, it might be wise to reacquaint ourselves with our favorite team, and how old (or in my case, how maddeningly young) each of these guys are.
1985
Born: Oswaldo Sosa and Alexander Smit
Other: Two words: New Coke
Here’s the thing: I still FEEL like I’m pretty close to the guy I was in college. It is simply not possible that the Twins have guys on their 40 man roster who were born the year that I started college. Which is why I’ve decided that Sosa and Smit are, in fact, fictitious. I never really believed that the Twins had some left-handed kid from the Netherlands that was striking out a batter per inning anyway.
1984
Born: Denard Span, Alexi Casilla and Jose Mijares
Other: Michael Jackson is lit on fire.
Second baseman Casilla has passed center fielder Span on most people’s prospect lists, but it’s worth noting that he’s only five months younger than him. Both are light-hitting speedsters that play defensive positions and will start the year in Rochester.
But the similarities don’t end there. Both have veterans in front of them that are playing out their option year and will be free agents this offseason. Which means that at this time next year, both will be blocked by an inferior veteran recently signed on the cheap while the Twins insist that they both “need more seasoning”. Still, it’ll be interesting comparing their stats in Rochester throughout 2007.
1983
Born: Glen Perkins, Joe Mauer, Francisco Liriano and Matt Garza
Other: M*A*S*H takes itself too seriously for the last time.
Good Lord, look at that list. 1983 was a VERY good year. Robust body, just the right amount of jamminess and terrific mouthfeel. I’m crediting the long cool nights. When the Twins pick some 24-year-old in June’s 2007 draft, I won’t be among the bloggers lambasting them. It’s all about the vintage.
1982
Born: J.D. Durbin, Alejandro Machado, Jason Kubel, Errol Simonitsch, Julio DePaula
Other: John DeLorean arrested for cocaine trafficking.
Lesson #1: Durbin and Kubel both turn 25 this year, which is still young, but this is pretty much their last chance to show they can be something special. DeLorean, on the other hand, showed he was something special much later in his career.
He was also acquitted from that charge two years later without calling a single witness. It was a complete case of entrapment. Which brings us to Lesson #2: Don’t mess with the automobile industry in America. They will screw you.
1981
Born: Ricky Barrett, Justin Morneau, Garrett Jones, Jesse Crain, Scott Baker and Boof Bonser
Other: Reagan is shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
It was reported last week that Garrett Jones was moving to the outfield, and I’m betting he fully supports that move. When you’re the same position AND the same age as a guy who just won the AL MVP, turns out you might want to try a different position.
Or, maybe even a different organization.
1980
Born: Luis Rodriguez and Pat Neshek
Other: America watches “Who Shot JR.”
I don’t understand why the Twins don’t think Rodriguez can back up shortstop. I don’t understand how Neshek’s arm will ever hold up to 8 relief appearances. And I’m never going to understand the whole “Dallas” thing. Did we really spend months waiting to see who shot some scumbag? I didn’t get it then, and it’s even more surreal now.
(Of course, my life pretty much revolved around Bo and Luke Duke making the General Lee defy gravity, so I don’t really have a leg to stand on. I’ll grant you that. Even if Cooter did eventually become a real-life US Congressman.)
1979
Born: Juan Rincon, Johan Santana, Michael Cuddyer, Carlos Silva, and Jason Bartlett
Other: Skylab crashes to earth, mostly around Australia. A cow is killed.
Odds are Bartlett is older than you thought. In fact, he’s only a year younger than Cristian Guzman, which is a little sobering. Usually, that’s bad news, but it may not be in this case. For starters, this will be his “Age 27” year, which is often a career year for players.
For those who prefer a longer view, his age lowers his potential, but most Twins fans will settle for a four year run of competence at shortstop. This means he won’t be a free agent until he’s 32, which is a bummer for Bartlett, but makes it more likely he stays with the Twins.
There’s something to be said for burying these guys in the minors for an extra couple of years. It almost makes a year and a half of Juan Castro seem worth it. Almost.
(Oh, and unlike “Who Shot JR”, Skylab deserved all the hype it got. Space stations randomly crashing down from the sky are super cool, and always will be. And having it fall on a single cow is such genius that I consider it the strongest single piece of evidence that God exists.)
1978
Born: Matt Guerrier
Other: Jonestown
1977
Born: Dennys Reyes, Jason Tyner and Nick Punto
Other: Saturday Night Fever is released.
Our lead Piranhas are a little long in their tiny razor-sharp teeth, it seems. Like Bartlett, it just means that they are currently in the prime of their careers, which is fine. Just don’t start harping to your friends about how Tyner needs to play more so we can “see what he can do”. This IS what he can do. He’s doing it.
1976
Born: Lew Ford
Other: Filming begins on Star Wars.
Coincidence? I think not.
1975
Born: Torii Hunter and Luis Castillo
Other: Drew Pearson condemns his own soul to an afterlife of eternal fire.
Would you have guessed that Hunter and Castillo are the same age? Me neither. In fact, after watching Castillo last year, I probably could’ve been convinced that he was up to four years older. It’s either further evidence that second basemen do not age well, or that we might not want to be quite as excited about 2007 as we are. Or both.
And Drew, I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. When you ask Abraham to send me to dip the tip of my finger in water and cool your tongue from the agony of fire, you can forget it buster. You want water? Get it from Roger Staubach, who will be smoldering right beside you. An 8-year-old’s faith in the world died that day. And I still consider that game to be the strongest single piece of evidence that God does not exist.
1974
Born: Chris Heintz and Joe Nathan
Other: Nixon resigns.
As opposed to “re-signs”. Fellow bloggers, it’s a small thing, but can we work on this? Rondell White did not resign with the Twins this offseason. That doesn’t even make sense. He re-signed. Thanks.
1973
Born: Ramon Ortiz
Other: The 1970s version of Match Game debuts and quickly becomes the #1 show in television.
“During batting practice, it’s customary for the pitchers to stand in the outfield and (blank) the hitters’ balls.”
1972
Born: Rondell White
Other: Five White House operatives are arrested for burglarizing the offices of the Democratic National Committee
Last year, when the Twins signed White, they deflected criticism about the 34-year-old’s injury history by stating that he would be the full-time designated hitter. Does anyone else remember this? Anyone? Because now they say they plan to play him full-time in left field on the hard Metrodome surface. Does anyone else remember this? This was just a year ago, right?
1971
Born: Mike Redmond
Other: Television can no longer show cigarette ads.
And an entire generation of kids becomes healthier, but much, much less cool.
1969
Born: Jeff Cirillo
Other: Man walks on the moon.
There is only one thing that depresses me more than realizing that only one player on the Twins roster remembers the bicentennial. And that is that he was also the Twins biggest offensive acquisition of the offseason. Welcome aboard Jeff. When we meet, we can swap memories of the American Freedom Train and Dynamite magazine.
