Thanks to her TOP SECRET connections with the Japanese mafia and also the guy who sells popcorn at Hammond Field in Fort Myers, Batgirl was able to arrange an EXCLUSIVE interview with the newest Twin, Tony Fatista. Here is the transcript:
BG: So, I was wondering if you could tell us how you feel things are going so far.
TF: Well, you know what it's like just starting with a new team. You don't know anyone, so you really do your best to try to fit in. And I think that's going really well.
BG: How do you mean?
TF: Well, for instance, in today's game I hit into a double play with runners in scoring position, and then I struck out with the bases loaded. I think that makes me one of the guys.
BG: Uh-huh.
TF: I know, I know. It would have been better to hit into the double play with the bases loaded. Next time I'll do better.
BG: Mr. Fatista--
TF: Please, call me Tony.
BG: Right. Tony, so far your spring training batting average is .000. When do you think you might get your first hit?
TF: Well, I don't know, Batgirl. I don't want to rush things. The hitting will come, but first I want to practice my striking out and my grounding to shortshop. I really want to be more than a one tool player.
BG: Uh-huh... And...which tool is that?
TF: I'm not really sure. But when I left the Orioles, Cal Ripken told me I was a giant tool. It was really flattering having a Hall of Famer say something like that.
BG: Uh-huh.
TF: Also, it's hard to see the ball over my gigantic beer belly.
BG: Yes, that reminds me. Tony, you showed up at camp fifteen pounds overweight. After Terry Ryan took a chance on you, wouldn't it have been better to show you're really committed to the team by coming to camp in shape?
TF: Oh, I'm committed all right. Every time I ate a donut this off-season, I thought about how happy I was to be with the Twins. They're a great organization and they really have a shot at the playoffs. Plus, there's a Krispy Kreme right by the team hotel.
BG: Okay, well, thanks so much, Tony, for talking to us.
TF: No problem, Batgirl! Sayonara!
Posted by Batgirl at March 4, 2006 03:00 PM