Kansas City at Twins. Twins 4, Royals 0.
Dear Batgirl,
I have a question, but it's not about the Twins. But you seem like you know a lot of stuff. Whatever happened to the boy who played Ben Seaver on Growing Pains? I sure enjoyed watching him grow-up. Wasn't it funny when he glued Stinky Sullivan to the dog?
Sincerely,
Goober
Dear Goober,
Funny you should ask. The youngster who played Ben Seaver, Jeremy Miller, disappeared for some time after Kirk Cameron called a halt to Growing Pains production after becoming a born-again Christian. [Really!] This led the then 17-year-old Miller to question his own beliefs about God, the nature of the universe, and the future prospects for '80s child stars--and he took a very drastic step. Miller resolved to cryogenically freeze himself for eight years, with the idea that he might then be better able to plan for his future. When he emerged, after an appropriate de-thawing period, Jeremy Miller decided he wanted to become a major league pitcher.
Miller in his salad days.
Just three years later, Miller—now known professionally as "Zack Greinke"—is pitching his first major league season for the Kansas City Royals. You may recall him from tonight's game, in which he started against your favorite team and mine, the Minnesota Twins.
Hey, Kirk Cameron, Screw You!
Those eight years spent in deep freeze have left Miller/Greinke a little confused, and can you blame him? He was under for almost a decade and Bush is still president while Roger Clemens and Curt Schilling remain just about the best pitchers in baseball. But the Star Wars movies are crap now! Life is weird. Plus, he didn't expect to make the majors until he was at least drinking age—but he didn't count on the Royals being as awful as Growing Pains' last season. Weren't the Royals pretty good? What happened to George Brett?
And who the hell is this Johan Santana? Easy for him to pitch so well, he's never been frozen. What's with all the strikeouts? Thirteen? Wasn't that a little excessive? Shouldn't Alan Thicke have a little talk with him about pride?
Actually, Miller/Greinke comported himself pretty well for an adolescent, and he managed to keep that giant zit on his chin from bothering him too much. He's got a wicked curveball, and by the time he's, you know, 23, he might really have something. He kept it a 1-0 game through five innings, the one run coming on a massive Torii Hunter dinger. But everything started to fall apart for him in the 6th—it was like when baby Chrissy was added to the Seaver family all over again.
Anyway, there's no doubt that choosing a new life for himself has really helped Miller. I wonder, though, what happened to the kid they added in season 7, homeless teen Luke Brower? What was his name? Leonardo DiCaprio?
Love,
Batgirl
p.s. Batgirl is suffering from serious carpal tunnel after spending her entire evening voting for Lew Ford. She asks you and all her beloved BatLings to use your work days to do the same—surely your boss won't mind.