Kansas City at Twins. Twins 12. Royals 0.

You have to hand it to Royals pitcher Dennys Reyes (pictured above). How many people have the dedication to name themselves after their favorite restaurants? It's such a great idea! Jeb is going to become Dakota Bar & Jeb. Batgirl is officially going to change her name to Sushi Tango Girl, and Goober would like to be known from now on as "Mr. Dairy Queen".

Indeed, Mr. Reyes has recently decided on a new middle name for himself. It took careful consideration; he had to sample every dish at Dennys numerous times to really settle on a favorite. Should he be Dennys Smothered Cheese Fries Reyes? Dennys Moons Over My Hammy Reyes? Dennys Original Grand Slam Reyes? But what about the delightful BBQ Chicken Dinner? Or the succulent and savory T-Bone Steak and Shrimp? It's so hard. However would he decide? Really, he wanted to honor all the dishes, and there was only one way to do that:

That's right: Dennys Sampler Reyes.

There's something so beautiful about the bounty of the appetizer sampler plate. It's like the horn o' plenty, but deep fried. Can't decide between onion rings, chicken fingers, and mozzarella sticks? Get them all, in the very same chintzy plastic basket!

For, let's face it, fried food is delicious no matter what its form, and complete-game shutouts are luscious no matter who pitches them. But when those complete game shut-outs come in one big ol' series basket, well, that, my darlings, is what makes America great.

Did anyone really believe that Ruth's Chris Steakhouse Lohse would follow Radke and the Johaninator with a complete game shut-out? I mean, the Royals are bad, sure, but Lohse hasn't exactly been, well, Lohse, this year. Can any pitcher going for his third win in 18 starts be expected to goose egg somebody for nine innings?

Well, when you're facing the Kansas City Royals, anything is possible. And Lohse seemed to find command of his curveball, and indeed of his emotions tonight, pitching through a couple jams including one in the seventh inning that could have ended his night.

And then there's the offense, once sleepier than a Fuddruckers in Bombay. For a sampler plate is naked without sauce, and a shut-out victory requires at least some offense. Tonight, Bakers Square Guzman was the honey mustard sauce, Chuck E. Cheese's Mauer the ranch dressing, Cheesecake Factory Hunter the chipotle tomato dip , and Cracker Barrel LeCroy the big ol' bottle of ketchup. And it was all mighty tasty.

As for poor Reyes, he lasted just into the second inning, giving up six runs, walking one, and hitting two batters. Good thing Denny's is open late.