Anaheim at Twins. Twins 6, Angels 3.
I know this is the point where Batgirl usually launches into a game recap, but I'd like to pause for a moment to talk about the poor Kansas City Royals. I mean, they've had a really difficult year, and I feel pretty bad for them. In the spring, some people picked them to win the division (certainly not Batgirl, but some people). Now, the Royals are engaged in a three-team battle with Seattle and Arizona for the worst team in Major League Baseball. They seem like such a nice group of kids, and that poor Mike Sweeney's gone through so much—they surely don't deserve this ignominy, and I like to root for them when I can. Like, for instance, when they're playing the Bitch Sox.
Tonight, it must have made everyone in the Royals clubhouse feel really good when they scored seven runs in the first inning, and even better for them to score 11 runs in a game. And it's so nice for one of their much-harried pitchers (Brian Anderson, in this case) to get a shut out! I mean, has Jimmy "Gobble" Gobble ever gotten a shutout? It just makes you feel really good, on your insides, the parts that get all warm and happy every time the Bitch Sox are crushed by the worst team in the league the poor bedraggled Royals get to taste victory. It's hard to be the underdog, and even harder to be the dog that's been run over by a truck six or seven times but is still trying to limp his way home, until it gets hit by another truck, and then valiantly struggles to get himself up just one more time until some nasty kid comes around and kicks it—so, Kansas City Royals, we salute you!
Oh, and one more thing:
AL CENTRAL
TEAM | W | L | PCT. | GB |
Twins | 61 | 45 | .575 | -- |
BitchSox | 54 | 50 | .519 | 6 |
Okay, so anyway—the Angels are embroiled in a pennant race of their own in the wikki-wikki-wild wild West, and were probably looking forward to coming to the AL Central to pick up some hot, hot wins. Well, they weren't counting on the Royals juggernaut! Or, for that matter, the Twins to be playing like some kind of championship ball team. So if the Angels are discomfited by losing a series to us, I can only comfort them by saying that we'll be facing the rest of the West soon, too.
Okay, okay, that's a lot of hubris, I know—it's just Batgirl had to write so many entries during the Sucking-Time about so very many losses in which the Twins sucked so very badly, and it was really trying, I mean it. I don't want to complain or anything, but the stress really wears on a Batgirl. Just how do you spin your team's 15th loss in a row to the freakin' Devil Rays in a way that keeps your beloved and sensitive readership from ripping out their collective livers? How do you preach to the Twins masses to keep the faith when you're ready to fall in front of the Metrodome and rend your Authentic MLB Player's Jersey? It's hard, I tell you, hard!
And dammit, allow me a little hubris. Just an itsy bitsy boo-boo. For we're 14-5 since the All-Star break, and 13 of our last 15, and we've gone from being 1/2 game back to six games up faster than a Jacque Jones at bat.
Amazingly, we've accomplished all this while still letting Kyle Lohse pitch. The Twins frantic search for someone to replace Terry Mulholland quickly became a frantic search for someone to replace young Kyle as he enacted a season-long Last Days of Pompeii on the mound. Things had gotten so bad that Batgirl had to have a little talk with our volatile friend.
It would be presumptuous to say the talk worked; Mr. Lohse had a fourth inning that was somewhat reminiscent of The Poseidon Adventure, with Rick Anderson in Gene Hackman's role. After the Twins gave him three runs in the bottom of the third, thanks to doubles from Corey Koskie and Shannon Stewart and a single from Rivas, Lohse responded by giving up three runs of his own. Vlad Guerrero led off with a homer, then about six guys hit singles and doubles, and the bases were loaded with just one out. Rick Anderson came out, grabbed Lohse's hands, and whispered, "Remember Batgirl."
And Kyle did. He got out of the inning with just three runs(!), then pitched the next three innings allowing just one baserunner. Oh, Kyle, how very last year!
Angels pitcher Ramon Ortiz didn't have as much luck, but he shouldn't feel bad. Justin Morneau hits the crap out of the ball all the time. Tonight, in the sixth, he parked it into the Vikings press box, hitting a Cambria employee in the elbow and severing his arm. Jacque Jones' homer two batters later was slightly more modest, falling just out of the reach of Jose "Aw, crap!" Guillen's glove. Still, due to the strange rules of baseball, since Torii Hunter was on base for Jones's homer Jacque was awarded two points for his shot, while poor Dr. Morneau only got one.
Regardless, the game could go a long way to give Kyle Lohse some confidence—or somehow it could freak him out even more before his next start. Some things are unknowable. All we can do is hold on to what we know is true. And let's look at that truth one more time, shall we?
AL CENTRAL
TEAM | W | L | PCT. | GB |
Twins | 61 | 45 | .575 | -- |
BitchSox | 54 | 50 | .519 | 6 |
BatAlert: Thursday's game will be at noon.
Posted by Batgirl at August 4, 2004 11:08 PM