Twins at Seattle. Twins 6, Mariners 3.

My fellow Americans,

We have passed through a time of great struggling. The last few days have tested us like we have never been tested before, and now it is our time to respond. Will we fall apart at the seams? Will we begin lashing out at each other? Or will we come together, and through our suffering, become ever stronger?

What we need now, ladies, gentlemen, and Yankees fans, is a leader. We need someone to give us hope again, someone to show America a new way forward. For I ask, "Are you better off today than you were four starts ago?"…

Certainly, the answer before today's game was a decided, "No." The Twins haven't won since our nominee's last start, causing Batgirl to spiral into a Great Depression of historic proportions. I mean, the slumping was cute and all in June, but this is an election year. Today, however, thanks to our candidate, we have turned a corner. America is on the right path again—united and headed for Twins glory!

Yes, Supernatural made a stirring case for himself today—perhaps more subdued than some of his other campaign appearances but no less effective. For Santana is a versatile candidate, happy to dominate with the strikeout, but also proving himself to be conversant in nuance. A few ground balls and fly outs can do so much for international relations.

Less nuanced was Joe Nathan, who showed that he was more than capable of sitting in the big chair and making the hard decisions. Usually Nathan pitches a more politic ninth inning, saving the strikeout for the last batter just so everyone knows what he's capable of. Today, though, with Johan being all diplomatic, Count Chocula went totally Wilsonian, striking out Bocachica, Lopez, and Ichiro swinging to end the game.

Meanwhile, presumptive Surgeon General nominee Dr. Justin Morneau showed what we might expect during the confirmation hearings. With the advice and consent of Lew Ford, who set up him in the second and the fifth with doubles, the good doctor cranked the ball Canada-way twice, promptly healing all that ailed Batgirl. I'd like to see Richard Carmona do that.

Today's performance almost makes you wonder if Morneau and Ford are thinking of a run for office themselves. Morneau/Ford: Totally Offensive?