Twins at Anaheim. Angels 4, Twins 2.

Okay, there's a school dance, right? And there are three buddies going to the dance together in a Ford Focus, bragging to each other about all the pretty girls they're going to pick up tonight. In truth, their record has been spotty lately. One of them has had great potential as a ladies' man coming up through school and was really expected to break out this year. The other recently moved here from another state and, as the new kid, seemed like he might really be something at first, but then his luster faded as he proved to be just as inept as the rest of the boys. The third has been forced to repeat grades any number of times and is now as old as some of the teachers, with more facial hair. He's logged more dating hours than anyone in the history of the school, but his age is starting to show.

So the guys have all primped and zhuzhed. They smell fantastic; they're young (two of them, anyway), their cocky, they haven't a care in the world, and they're ready to get their groove on. They burst through the gym doors and pose in the doorway for a moment, announcing their arrival with authority. All the girls look them up and down and wonder what kind of stuff they have. For the girls are lonely; it must be said. It's fall, and they're ready to meet somebody. All they want is someone with maturity, perseverance, and three solid pitches.

So the trio struts into the room sizing up all the fine ladies, talking about how studly they are, yadda yadda, while in the center of the room a beautiful junior dances all by herself. She looks pointedly at the boys, but they just don't seem to notice her; instead they saunter over to the refreshment table, grab some fruit punch, and lean against the wall.

The girl, let's call her Minnie, is still watching them, grooving to some Kelis, and waiting for one of them to ask her to dance already. For we are getting so close to the Big Dance, and she has two really great dates for it—but you need three for the Big Dance.

The boys have certainly noticed her. "She's hot," says Kyle who once had promise. "Smokin'," agrees Carlos the new kid. "That's one foxy lady," adds Terry the geezer.

And then one of them says, "Do you think one of us should ask her to dance?"

They stand there, frozen. I mean, it's one thing to get all zhuzhed and to smell good and stuff, but it's something all together different to step up and ask a girl to dance. Right there! In front of everyone! And they've tried it before, each of them, and sometimes they danced all right for a little while, and then the next time they'd fall on their face and all the girls would point and laugh. But not Batgirl. Batgirl would only weep.

So here we are, just a few dances left before the Big Dance, waiting pointedly for either Kyle, Carlos, or Terence to step up and say, "Dammit, lady, let's groove."

And today, I dare say Carlos stepped up. He was no MC Hammer, mind you, but he didn't embarrass anybody by doing the robot or anything. Now, we mustn’t get too excited; he's stepped up before, only to split his pants the next time to reveal Batman Underoos. And generally, with these guys, each time we go through the rotation, one of them busts a move while the others basically let out a big fart on the pitching mound—so if all holds to form, things might get pretty stinky the next couple of days.

Silva pitched five reasonably solid innings, allowing one run and four hits. He was greatly helped by some fine defense—particularly that of Octavio "Augie" Ojeda—and his abbreviated start allowed the bullpen to give up three runs, but look, we're basically just looking for adequate at this point. Won't someone give me adequate? Please? That's all I ask.

The Twins are off tomorrow, and Batgirl, for one, could use an off-day. On Tuesday, they return to the Dome to play the Rangers, who really like to hit the ball lots and lots. So we'll have a chance to see whether Kyle or Terry wants to dance, or whether they're content to sit on the sidelines wearing a fruit punch mustache, zhuzhing in the shadows.

Posted by Batgirl at August 29, 2004 07:42 PM