Twins at Cleveland. Twins 8, Toons 2.
Batgirl's still a little hungover from Monday night's celebration, so in lieu of a traditional entry (and whatever that might be, Batgirl does not know) she'll just post a few observations on the game and game-related program activities:
-Did anyone else notice that after he gave up the earned run in the 4th, Johan K Santana seemed to relax? He certainly found his command (and I do mean command) afterwards. It's almost as if all the relentless are-you-or-aren't-you Cy Young talk, not to mention the rigors of the presidential campaign, and then the scoreless streak, has put some pressure on our dear starting pitcher. Really, we don't ask him to be perfect, just supernatural—is that so wrong?
-Meanwhile, JKS managed to get his 20th win tonight, which is the first time a Twins pitcher has gotten 20 wins since BatMom did it in 1988. Santana and Schilling are tied in wins, and it's going to be interesting watching the talking heads attempt to justify to themselves why they're voting for Schilling now. I don't know what's the most ridiculous excuse Batgirl has heard so far-- the one that says that Boston doesn't have as good of a bullpen so that makes Schilling more worthy, or the one that states Schilling pitches in the East and that means more media pressure, or the one that claims that he pitches against better teams (read: the Yankees, who apparently are so illustrious that merely playing in the same division as they do gives you award points.) Come on guys, you don't have to make excuses anymore. It's okay. Look deep within yourselves. What is it, really? Could it be that you just can't take anyone who plays in the midwest seriously? That you believe the Twins constitute a sort of elevated minor leagues, devoted to developing players who will later play for the Yankees or Mets? That you wouldn't hesitate to vote for Johan if he pitched for the Yanks? It's okay. We know. We know. We forgive you. Now, shut up and vote for Johan.
-Batling Shoeless Joe, who has given Batgirl the name "Toons" for Cleveland, questions why Batgirl has changed his most excellent moniker from Racist Cartoons to Offensive Cartoons. Batgirl, you see, makes an effort to do away with the Victorian concept of "race" which, you see, fostered a view among many that ethnic groups were something more akin to separate species and facilitated the oppression of some ethnic groups by others on those grounds. She feels, though, that "Offensive Cartoons" might make someone think she is speaking of Cleveland's batting capabilities. Which she is not. Does anyone have a better name? And while we're speaking of such things, oh Cleveland team, you're a disgrace to the city of Cleveland and Major League Baseball with your team name and your noble Chief Wahoo, so why do you not go all the way and dress up Slider in some, like, Injun feathers and warpaint? And he can dance around and do, like, war dances and stuff? And he can make funny Injun sounding chants? Remember: it's exactly the same thing as Notre Dame calling their team the Fighting Irish. Exactly. The. Same. Thing. Keep telling yourselves that (and keep beating that war drum!).
-Last September, all of Team Batgirl ended up picking a September-Call-Up-Junior Boyfriend, beginning with Goober who really admired Michael Ryan's hustle. The Junior Boyfriends were not for competition—after all, the Senior boyfriends had already clinched—but they gave us a chance to evaluate prospective boyfriends of the future. This year, it seemed Terry Tuffee would be the unanimous SCUJB-of-the-year choice for the whole Batgirl readership, until, well, you know. But now, it seems that Jason Kubel is making a serious bid for SCUJBOTY honors and indeed, with Joe Mauer's slow progress, will be hitting himself right onto the postseason roster. Which is the bigger honor, Batgirl does not know—but this much is true: Dude can hit.
-Did anyone notice Lew Ford looking tired tonight? What do you think, was it Star Wars, Doom, or it's unholy offspring, the new Star Wars online video game? Or perhaps he was up in a chat room debating the insertion of Hayden Christensen's face on ol' Anakin and rehashing the whole Greedo-shot-first controversy. We cannot know. All we can do is tell him to get some sleep.
-Batgirl has no real opinion on who the Twins should play in the postseason. She'd prefer home-field advantage and would like the Twins to finish hot, of course, but the '87 Twins lost, like, their last 8 or something and they did just fine. The better record the Twins have, the more respect they get, and the better Gardy's Manager of the Year chances are. Still, as our presidential candidate says, "You bring whoever you want to bring." We're ready.
-Finally, and most importantly, Slider, the Toons' mascot seems to have big yellow boils all over his body, especially on his face and nether regions.
This isn't good. Maybe a topical cream? At the very least, if there any funny business going on with Slider and any of the other mascots, we'll be able to tell within 5-7 days.
Naughty Youppi!