Something wonderful happened in the 8th inning of today's game against the Royals—and, no, I do not mean the DQ run that Goober made for the benefit of all in the BatQuarters, though that was pretty nice, too. Yes, there is nothing like a good DQ Blizzard, a small with Snickers and Oreos, to take the edge off. In fact, Batgirl recommends that every Batling go out and get a DQ Blizzard right now, in fact get one for your whole office, and when you go tell them Batgirl sent you, and then maybe they'll send her some freakin' coupons. I mean here Batgirl is plugging fine quality Cambria countertops and Gutter Helmets and Snapper Lawn Mowers and Kitty Blackhead-Be-Gone Topical Cream 'til the cows come home, and does she get any freakin' swag? No. Where's my damn swag? All these Twins games are are one big promotional opportunity after another what with the Just For Men Rejuvenating Play and the Chrysler Keys to the Game and the Land O' Lakes Bonehead Play of the Game and the Huggies Ass-Swing of the Day, so why not Batgirl? I ask you? Just write me at and send me some free crap and then I'll make official Batgirl sponsorships...like no one's sponsored the BOD yet or Batgirl's Foulmouthed Rant of the Day or the Random Bitch Sox Swipe of the Game. I'm totally open. As long as you send me shit.

But I digress. Something wonderful happened in the 8th inning of tonight's game, and no it wasn't the delicious take-out sushi from Origami West that Goober got us. (Have you tried their G-roll? My god, it's like you've died and gone to heaven, and who knew heaven was so full of raw fish? Batgirl's totally been a vegetarian since Kent Hrbek was skinny, but she makes an exception for sushi because it's so delicious and she is here to tell you right now that nowhere is it more delicious than at Origami. The problem is, it's so damn expensive, and the Batkitties do like their spicy tuna rolls. So she needs coupons. Coupons, people!)

Okay, anyway, something wonderful happened in the 8th inning of tonight's game and it had nothing to do with any product placement whatsoever. Mike "Please Stop That You're Scaring Me" MacDougal walked Jacque Jones –and no, that wasn't the wonderful thing, because we're totally used to that by now and I mean, ho-hum, jeez Jacque why don't you strike out once in a while, eh? Once a game maybe (it can be the Free Spalon Massage Li'l Sweetcheeks Strikeout of the Game, and I'll work out the details. K?) And then Big LeRoy forced Li'l Sweetcheeks over (and might I add that BatMom could have made it to first on his grounder crawling, and BatMom is quite athletic but her crawling is totally subpar, so that would be the Starbucks Liqueur Big LeRoy Is Slower Than A Drunk Slug Play of the Game) and there was nothing really wonderful about that either. But the wonderful thing, my dears, was the next batter, one Michael Cuddyer who effected the Science Diet Oral Care (Batkitty #2 has dental problems and they are expensive) Wonderful Thing of the Game. Yes, my friends, DJ Cuddles got a base hit.

And then, do you know what happened? DJ Cuddles smiled. It was the (Insert Name of Whichever Dentist Will Give Batgirl and Jeb a free check-up or maybe some dental insurance for the love of god) Smile of the Game, and it was a beautiful one. It was bigger than the smiles of Little Nicky Punto, Shannon Stewart, and Jason Bartlett when they combined for two runs with two outs in the third, bigger than Big LeRoy's smile when he hit a two-run blast in the fourth (when you hit a homer, see, you don't have to run so fast. It's all good.) It was bigger than Joe Mays' smile after pitching five strong innings and bigger even than his frown after giving up an RBI double and a two-run dinger in the sixth. And when the Twins rallied in the 7th thanks to a bases loaded triple by Jason Bartlett, there were smiles all around, oh yes, but no, not as big as Cuddy's.

For DJ Cuddles, not to put too fine of a point on it, has been sucking it up big, bigger than one of those Roomba vacuums Batgirl's heard so much about, but without quite as much range. And this sucking has not been as hard on anyone in TwinsLand as it has on the good DJ himself, and his sweet little dimples have been looking awfully flaccid lately. And sucking, as we all know, perpetuates more sucking, (that's the iTunes Truism of the Chino Latino Game Recap) and once you ground into a double play with the bases loaded three or four times, it's hard to come back from that.

In fact, big smiles could be seen all around the Twins' dugout tonight as the Twins remembered what it was like to hit with runners in scoring position, what it was like to score runs for your pitchers, what it was like to have big late inning rallies and victories over the freakin' Royals that are more than one run. And you know what it's like? It ROCKS.

Surely, it can't have hurt that the Bitch Sox lost their second game in a row today—and now, Batgirl is totally against scoreboard watching until after the All-Star Break and she cares not a whit for standings until then, but for the last ten days much of Bitch Sox Nation has been irritating the crap out of Batgirl, more than even the Mac G5 Desktop Good-Hearted Representatives of same can compensate for, so there was a great pleasure in loading up the MLB TV highlights (not a plug…she actually did) and watching Joe Crede throw his arm in front of a curveball in a critical late-game situation and get called back by the ump to the batters box–and then the Bitch Sox announcers, who Batgirl holds personally responsible for creating the kind of environment that engenders all the hateful e-mail and moronic trolling she has been subject to, start bitching and moaning about how unfair it all is—because, really, people should be ALLOWED to throw their arms in front of curveballs and when they get called back for it and then pop out and throw their bats in irritation, they should NOT be thrown out of the game but rather snuggled for all they've had to bear—and Batgirl can only squeeze herself with glee and say, in the Mini Cooper Convertable Shout to the Heavens, "It's great to be alive."

But it would be better with free crap.