Weekend Round-Up. Milwaukee at Twins.

Friday: Twins 7, Brewers 1.
Saturday: Brewers 6, Twins 0.
Sunday: Twins 6, Brewers 5.

Don't blame the Twins if they had a hard time getting up for this weekend's inter-league series with Milwaukee. After all, they were just plumb tuckered out after spending the week before preparing for Corey Wan Kenoski's Jedi mind tricks. Everyone was a-twitter. What would Corey Wan do this time? Would he go up to bench coach Steve Liddle while Steve was changing and say: "This is not the underwear you're looking for. Move along, move along." Or would he psychicly project peanut butter into everyone's pants. Hard to say. He's a crafty one, that Corey Wan, and since he's left the Twins he's become more powerful than you can possibly imagine (for someone batting .248).

So in the aftermath of all that, it was hard for the Twins to stay focused on the odd specimens heading into the Dome this weekend. Kitted out in blue, with giant wedges of Colby, Cheddar, and Pepper Jack strapped to their heads, they were apparently at one time involved in the distillery business. But the Brewers have since fallen on hard times and have had to take up baseball to make ends meet. It's not going very well, obviously, and there are many that hope that the good people of Wisconsin will go back to drinking beer so their team can return to its actual profession.

Until recently, the Brewers were controlled by Darth Seligous -- an evil Sith Lord with a ballpark financing plan so powerful that it could destroy an entire city. Darth Seligous believes in "rivalries," and where no rivalries exist, he will create them, dammit. So under Darth Seligous's dark reign, love is replaced by hate, admiration by envy, and -- in the case of the Brewers and Twins -- apathy by, well, more apathy. But for Darth Seligous, there's always hope that someday we will learn to hate each other.

This weekend's trilogy played out just like on the big screen. On Friday night, Silva dished just 74 pitches in a complete game win, making the Brewers feel very bad about themselves, not only professionally but also personally. Unfortunately, on Saturday, Bradke once again mistook carbonite for his pre-game hair gel, and by the time he unfroze, the game was already over. In Sunday's game, JoHan Solo took a no-hitter into the sixth. But our bats were occupied with a simmering trade dispute involving the franchise rights for the outer ring systems (including Naboo). The dispute was quite involving -- indeed, the meat of the order had out its financial calculators and was arguing about the time value of money when JoHan pointed out that the dispute was likely a ruse by Darth Seligous to distract us from the task at hand. How dastardly! With that, our boys got out their lumber. Shannon whacked the game-tying homerun in the ninth. And in the eleventh, L-Rod tapped a little dribbler that Junior "Senior" Spivey booted, scoring Fordwalker. It was an odd moment, watching Spivey as all his defensive skills deserted him at once. Of course, we've seen that this year ourselves.

May the Fundamentals be with you. Always.