(EDITOR'S NOTE: While on her mission to France, Batgirl entrusted this space to JEB and Goober, wise choices both. But after a few days of giving 110 percent, getting their uniforms dirty and doing whatever it took, that Dynamic Duo unfortunately ended up on the Disabled List with a condition diagnosed late Tuesday as Puntositis. It's a condition common in the world of bloggers and infielders, especially among those trying to live up to the work of those whom they're replacing. We're hoping that their Puntositis goes away as quickly as it came about and that they will return for Wednesday's game. For now, the editors have asked longtime Batgirl ally RonDavis to fill this space. The RD Report first appeared under similar circumstances in late August of last season. Please bear with him and his non-native peevishness.)

Scott Sauerbeck, doesn't it suck to be you?

Doesn't it suck to come in midway through the 11th inning and strike out Joe Mauer and think you're bullpen bling-bling and then totally chicken out against Lew Ford? You threw four balls that were no closer to the plate than the Timberwolves were to making the playoffs. You did that because you thought, in all of your smug leftiness, you could easily retire the slightly-slumping left-batting first basemen Justin MORE-no (a/k/a Justin MorNEAU and JustIncredible.)

Scott Sauerbeck, doesn't it suck to be wrong? As Simon Cowell said when he viewed your performance on his MLB-TV laptop in the American Idol green room after his show, "Scott, in a room full of steak, you were hamburger tonight."

Justin didn't exactly murder the ball, but the line drive he hit to left-center bounced past the diving Grady Sizemore, rolled to the wall and was the bases-clearing triple that broke a 3-3 tie. And it came with the bases loaded, no less, when our lack of hitting has been JustInsane this season.

You had the stats in your favor, Scott Sauerbeck. Stats don't mean much on these pages.

Know something else, Scott. Young Sizemore is a perfectly serviceable center fielder and a very nice player, but Torii Hunter would have caught that ball and maybe you would have been pitching into the wee hours of the Lake Erie morning.

RD and RD's lady -- Smart-n-Sassy (SnS) -- also noticed other things that sucked during Tuesday's game. We wanted to share:

*It sucks to be Travis Hafner. Not because he's from North Dakota, where RD lived quite happily for a spell, but because Hafner's the ugliest guy on an ugly Cleveland team. Casey Blake, David Riske and Big Ol' Bobby Wickman make Joe Torre look like an Abercrombie catalog boytoy, don't you think? But Hafner's even uglier than the offensive Chief Wahoo caricature on Cleveland's helmets. In fact, he's so ugly that the noted Ojibwe baseball powerhouse -- the White Earth White Guys -- is considering using Hafner's face as its logo.

*It sucked to be Jacque Jones last night, but we're certain he'll snap out of it. If you're wondering why blogs are necessary, you need only listen to the spin being delivered in the media after Jacque's strike-three ejection for excessive sass.

CircleMeBert, after it happened: "Jacque's not one to cuss."
HittingCoachScott, after the game: "He said, 'That was NOT a strike."
LaVelleOfTheStrib, "Jacque Jones was ejected in the sixth inning after taking a called third strike. He argued with home plate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt, then bent down to take off his shin guard. The Twins think that Wendelstedt thought Jones was bending over to draw a line in the dirt, and that's why the umpire ejected him."
Jacque, on the replay, to young Wendelstedt: "WHAT THE F**K?!?"

*It sucked to be Marney Gellner after the game, through no fault of her own. She tried to interview JustIncredible, who is at least 9 feet taller than her, and was treated to seven "you knows" in a 58-second interview. Someone help the poor Canadian before he goes nationwide.

*More things could have sucked, but our baseball universe was placed back in order by our team's 11th-inning handiwork. So RD and SnS are willing for now to not worry about Boo's last 2 outings, Little Nicky Punto's rash of strikeouts and some really dreadful at-bats by an assortment of players not named Lew Ford.

And, after all, in the hours after this game, nothing sucked as much as being Scott Sauerbeck.

RD, out.