While the Bitch Sox have the best record in the league, they lost five of seven last week and anyone who has spent time in the clubhouse knows why. While the Sox have played terrific baseball, they have not yet managed to cohere as a team—you can talk about "smart ball" 'til the cows come home, but individuals don't become a team through fancy slogans. What the Bitch Sox need is a leader, one who can help them through these difficult times, one who can provide a shining example of selflessness. And yesterday, that leader came to them.

It was a typical day in the Bitch Sox clubhouse. The players were sitting around chewing chaw and drinking Schlitz and talking about what a big bully Torii Hunter is when things got testy.

"You know," said Mark Buehrle. "I think I hate Torii Hunter more than anyone here."

"Bullcocky!" said Paul Konerko. "I hate him more than you've ever hated him!"

"Oh yeah? Your mom LOVES Torii Hunter!"

"Wanna make something of it?"

Yes, yes he did…



…and pretty soon the whole clubhouse had, yet again, broken out in a terrible brawl.


Then, suddenly, an old friend entered...

"Doo doo doot do dooo. Here I am, Darth Thomas off the DL, and ready to help my team!…



"What the—"



"Guys! Guys, what are you doing? Guys, what's happened to you? NOOOOOO!"


"Whatever shall I do?…

…I'm the team leader. I need to help my team, and FAST!"


"Guys! Stop beating each other up and listen to me!…

…I think we need to work on a little something called TEAMWORK! Come with me! I think what this team needs is a teambuilding retreat!"



"Keep riding. It's just ahead! Oh, man, you guys are going to love this place!"



"Okay, this is called a trust fall. Just lean back…"



"…and let your teammates catch you."



"Now, Timo, you just let yourself be guided, okay? Don't worry that you can't see—they'll tell you where to go."



"You have to coach each other through the ropes course."



"Everyone's a winner here!"


"Okay, this is a human knot. You guys have to untangle yourselves without letting go of each others' hands, okay?..."

"...for there is no winning without holding hands!"



"Good job! That's it! Boo-yah!"



"Now, we're going to throw the ball around. Whoever catches the ball has to say something nice about the person that threw it. Ready?"



"Um, AJ, I think you have really nice eyes."



"You guys, we've come a long way today. I'm really proud of you. Now, should we sing?"


The Bitch Sox, unified at last, are ecstatic...

"Yay, Darth Thomas! Yay! Hip Hip…"

"….Hooray!"

Unfortunately, during the post retreat celebration, Thomas injured his hip. He is day to day.