San Francisco at Twins. Giants 8, Twins 4.

Every Wednesday night home game this year is a Hormel Dollar-A-Dog Night, presented by Country Hearth. As any Twins fan knows, this is one of the great traditions of our town and our team.

And it was once a rite of passage. A slightly younger and slightly less wise kw, on a nonuple-dog-dare, once completed the Dollar Dog Challenge: one frank per inning, washed down with an ungodly amount of Leinenkugel's. I don't want to gross you out or anything, but I spent much of the next two days confined to a single room of the house. I'll give you a hint: it wasn't the bedroom.

But things are quite different lately. Television spots and promotional calendars make it quite clear that there is now a limit of TWO per person, and that the party is over after the 20,000th weiner is sold. There is no cheating whatsoever; the ballclub and the MSFC have teamed up to install a high-tech surveillance system to make sure that all fans adhere to the two-dog rule. They should just go ahead and rename it "Two Dollar-A-Dogs And Go Screw Yourself Night presented by Country Hearth," but they won't because it doesn't have the same ringy-ding.

Watching tonight's game, I couldn't help thinking that it's a certain kind of odd that the team from San Francisco would be our guests on a DADN. The Giants play in SBC (neé Pacific Bell) Park, a stadium with concession stands stocked with soy franks, garden burgers, and vegetarian sushi. We're #7 in the majors on the peculiarly-titled hot dog-eating stadium list, and SBC is nowhere to be found. No, they're #1 with PETA instead.

If you haven't noticed, people from San Francisco are all healthy and happy. Everyone who lives there smiles all the time, and looks 10 years younger than they actually are. That's because they all do extreme triathlons every weekend, and bungee-jump off the Golden Gate Bridge for fun during their lunch breaks.

Do San Franciscans know something we don't? Of course they do. They're smarter than us. The Bay Area is where they invented the iPod, the elected female representative, the rock band that people follow around everywhere, and the $2500/month studio apartment. They're clearly operating at a level far above and beyond ours, and they don't need synthetic collagen casings filled with ground-up pig snouts in order to have fun.

Well, bully for them. This game recap is dedicated to the City By The Bay and Giants fans everywhere... so let's get right to tonight's highlights from the MeatfreeDome, presented in stunning Legumevision.

Play ball!

In the first inning, Cauliflower Lohse allows lots of baserunners and gives up four runs.

Oh dear, I suck.

But C.L. battles back, striking out the side in the 2nd!!

Fear my heat, root!
Yes, sir!

There's a man on in the fourth... the Twins' hitting hero, Tofuu Hunter, steps to the plate!

It's deep, and it's outta here!

The Giants cling to a one-run lead going into the ninth, and the Twins go to the bullpen!

But several batters later...

Excuse me, did someone order a faux-Cobb salad?

The Giants celebrate the victory!

Yay! Yippee!

Hooray!

But nobody's a loser when they choose a healthy diet!

Yum!