Giants 14, Twins 7

Rad Bradke walked into the clubhouse and looked around. The Nathanest of Joes was schlumped in a corner with an old man as they poured over Lew's computer trying to compute the ERA of their evening. Torii was pacing back and forth cursing about the idiocy of interleague play. "Why do we need to have our pitchers bat in LA and then let the Giants have a DH? How did the Giants ever find a DH? Aren't they, like, illegal in San Francisco or something?" Joe Mauer was practicing jumping over piles of jerseys as if they were bases. Lew had a half smile half frown on his face.

It was, in a word, discombobulated.

Rad said, "Gentlemen, gather 'round. I've got something I want to show you." The rest of the players groaned as it appeared that Rad had some more of his "art" to show.

DJ Cuddles, headphones still on his head, said loudly, "Dude, is it Third Thursday already?"

Yes, it was in fact, Third Thursday. Ever since Rad had begun to be artistic, he had been visiting more and more museums and insisting on showing all of his finds every third Thursday of every month. At first it was cool as Rad had explored different artistic nudes even painting one himself. While the Chairman and JustIncredible loved the picture of the naked lady and still had it up at Hotel Joe, some players were growing leery of Rad's new taste in art.

Rad, see, had been exploring contemporary art. As a result, attendence at Third Thursday had plummeted. Guys said it made them feel dumb to see a picture of a pile of peanut butter and rotting hotdogs. Tonight though, Rad was on a mission.

"So guys, I found this new artist. She's got some great stuff." said Rad.

"Aw, man, why you gonna show us more photographs of cat pee?" wondered LeCroy as he nibbled on a crawdad.

"Yeah, Rad, Lew here says on his darn machine of compute that I had an ERA of 40.50 tonight. How is that even possible? How's your new fangled art gonna help that?" grumbled Old Man Mulholland.

"Well, boys, I got a photograph. It's different from one's I've shown in the past. I'm just going to put it out there and you all take a look."

(Awkward Pause.)

(Awkward Pause.)

(Awkward Pause.)

El Presidente, ever the politician, said, "Rad, are you sure you're all right? I mean, I know you've had some tough times and all. Are you sure you don't want to sit down?"

"K, I got this one. It's all good. Let me tell you about this piece. It's by a photographer named Erika Blumenfeld. Rather than focus on actual objects, Blumenfeld exposes her film to light over a period of time. For example, she did a series of photos every minute for two second intervals for a whole day to show the way light breaks at dawn and then dissapears at dusk. She's not photographing any person or object, it's like she's photographing time itself."

Lew, ever mindful of all things related to time, perked up his ears.

"This picture that's right here, the one I'm showing you right now, is a special picture that I commissioned from her. I met her outside her gallery in Santa Fe and told her about how we're having a hard time with all this weird interleague game stuff--"

"I hate this interleague crap!" interruped Torii.

"I know Torii, I know. That's why I did this. I needed to show you. This picture is an exposure photograph of us as a team taken over the past couple weeks. The darkness is the sucking time--the times we lose one run games when we shouldn't; the times we give up way too many runs in the first inning, the times our closer has an ERA of 108.00 on the evening."

Little Nicky Punto's tiny voice cracked, "What's the light part?"

That, my friends, is the time when we kick some ass. Remember what it was like to kick some ass?

. . . . . .

"Yeah, I liked that," said Shannon Stewart, "That was pretty."

"Isn't it though?" said Rad.

"I think it looks like a lightsaber," exclaimed Lew.

"And what do lightsabers do, Lew?" asked Rad.

Without hesitation or thought, Lew said with the conviction of a Jedi, "They kick ass."

"So boys, let's go to the light. Leave these frickin' National League candyasses and head on out. You with me?"

In unison, the team yelled, "YEAH."

As the team--filled with hope and making the sound of lightsabers--filed out, the young Chairman and JustIncredible came over to Rad. Young Joe asked, "Rad, can we have that picture? I'd like to hang it next to our naked lady."

"Yes, boys. Yes, you can."

Posted by el diablo at June 16, 2005 11:46 PM