To: Ken Macha, manager, Oakland A's
From: RD
Re: What you did

Hey, Skip, you OVERMANAGED in the seventh inning. Rich Harden, just about the hottest pitcher in baseball, gives up a homer to DJ Cuddy BOOM early in the game and you don't give him a chance in the seventh. And you bring in a reliever named Kiko. Kiko? DumbBooty! It makes RD wonder how you'd use J.C. Romero. Probably bring him in with the bases loaded, right?

To: DJ Cuddy BOOM
From: RD
Re: Your future

Perhaps nobody benefited from the release of Bret BOOne more than you. Now, the rotating cast will be at second base and you won't hafta share time at third with well-meaning guys named Nicky and Luis and Juan. If you keep hitting 3 homers every 2 games, you'll be chasing Aaron and Ruth and Barry in no time. Seriously, though, bro: Relax, swing smart, field pretty well and third base'll be your's. Carpe third base!

To: JustIncredible
From: RD
Re: Coming home
Great slide, dude. You looked a little spent coming around third base on Lewwwww's game-winning triple. In fact, you looked a bit like my ol' dog Chuckles, whose breed is billed as the . Nice to see you smiling after the game.

To: Lewwwwwwwwww
From: RD
Re: Your triple
You know that thing about canceling "Lew Ford Bat Day" on Sunday because you were 7-for-700? It was just a joke. Kind of.

To: Carlos Silva
From: RD
Re: Cojones
Can you explain the concept of cojones to the non-Venezuelan starters in the rotation? They could use some.

To: The Vikings
From: RD
Re: Training camp
There's still another 2 months of baseball. We don't care yet. Besides, RD is a Bears fan.

To: Justin Duchschererererer, losing pitcher
From: RD
Re: Your name
What's with the extra "er" in your name? It doesn't make any noise and it sure doesn't make you a bettererererer pitchererererer.

To: Tinger
From: RD
Re: The game
Hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed seeing you on the Jumbotron. L'shanah haba-ah b'Metrodome, chaver. Stay safe, friend.