Twins at Tigers. Twins 9, Tigers 3.

For an explanation of DINGERS FOR DOLLARS, please scroll down to the bottom of this entry.

Or nine runs is fine, too.

Apparently, what the Twins needed was a little motivation. Now, for most teams, things like ‘the division championship’ and ‘postseason play’ and ‘dignity’ and ‘keeping Batgirl off the sauce’ would be motivation enough to score a bunch of runs, but as we all know, the Twins are not most teams.

Tonight, Fox Sports Network decided to donate $1000 for each home run hit in the game to the Red Cross. Now, if the whole network of Fox Sports stations were not doing the same promotion, Batgirl would be a little suspicious, for offering money for every home run the Twins hit in a given night is rather like offering to donate ten bucks for every person who attends a Devil Rays game.

Or so Batgirl thought. But tonight, the Twins hit three grade ‘A’ numero uno one hundred percent real extra juicy home runs. Yes, three. According to DicknBert, the Twins have not hit three home runs since a game against Milwaukee in late June, though whether they meant three home runs in the same game or three home runs total was unclear.

I’m not sure the team’s been very clear on the concept of the homer, but it’s really not that hard once you grasp the fundamental truth about it—and I know this is hard, but bear with me—when you hit a dinger, you are guaranteed to score a run. Like tonight. Matt LeCroy came up with the Twins down 1-0 while DicknBert were talking about the Doctor’s wish to gain ten pounds in the offseason, and just as DickorBert said, “He’s going to be a big boy,” Big Boy himself went long. And tied the game. Just like that. Easy, breezy, beautiful, Big LeCroy. And while the Twins have been shut out at least 40 times this season, they have never been shut out when they’ve hit a homer.

Now, here’s the other thing. There’s a whole other dimension to the home run thing, and that is: if you hit a homer with someone on base you score both yourself and the person on base. So if there’s a runner on, as there was for Bart in the eighth, you score two runs. And if there are two runners on, as there was for Luis “Babe” Rivas in the third, you score three runs.

We’ve all been on and on about the Twins inability to do the little things right this year, but BG’s feeling is if the boys managed to hit a few more dingers, a failure to advance to runner wouldn’t mean as much. And also, since we’re going to adopt Batgirl’s Happy Kitten Plan For Ultimate Victory, scoring four runs a game is a lot easier if you can hit some dingers.

So, anyway, apparently the Twins hit homers best for charity. So, for the rest of the season, for every homer the Twins hit, Batgirl will donate $1000—no, wait—Batgirl will donate FIVE DOLLARS to hurricane relief.

It’s almost the same thing.

Who’s with Batgirl? Make your pledges below, one dollar to one million dollars. BG will keep track all month and at the end of the year she'll post some options for giving. It's all right if you can't, of course, you can talk about homers or Travis Bowyer or Babe Rivas, too.