It’s terrible when Batgirl is gone. The Batquarters are never quite the same without her. …Well, they’re not even remotely the same. Goober, Sooz, and I sort of let the place go. …Actually, we tend to go on cake and pizza-eating binges until the money she’s left us runs out. Then, we each start hording what we can find in the cupboards until finally we wrestle over the last few cheetos and a can of midget peas.

But that’s not the problem tonight. Tonight the problem is that I’ve been left wearing the mantle of Boyfriend of the Day Supreme High Comandress. (It’s actually quite a fetching mantle…“I feel charming, oh so charming!”) And the problem with being BODSHC is that you have to, uh, pick the Boyfriend of the Day. It’s hard work.

You need to identify the player who most contributed to the Twins’ victory. If I go by that criterion, I could select Vlad Guerrero who failed to catch a looping hit to right field, allowing a run to score in the Twins’ big 4-run sixth inning.

But you’re really not supposed to give the B.O.D. to an opposing player.

Team Batgirl’s Boyfriends are supposed to be given first consideration, so I could give the B.O.D. to Lew Ford for the RBI he earned during the Twins’ sixth inning rally and, more importantly, for using his Jedi calm to call forth a game-tying walk in the ninth inning.

But can you really invest someone with the B.O.D. for getting a walk?

Maybe, but not on a night when a certain D.J. Cuddles strode to the plate, drew upon the awesome power of his stupendous dimples, and sent the ball hurtling towards a blue wall of collapsed plastic chairs for the victory. The sound of the impact reverberated throughout the Batquarters located just behind the right field wall, waking Batbaby (unless it was the cheetos tossed in the air in celebration that did it).

Batbaby/Torii: 3; Readers/The Field: 3; Goober/Justin: 1; Everybody Else: 0.