Twins at Kansas City. Twins 7, Royals 3.
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Ow.
My neck.
Is it going to be like this all year? I just want to know. I'm not going to be angry, really I'm not. I just want to be prepared. To take precautions. If we're going to be absolutely horrible one series and play like a professional baseball team the next, if we're going to only manage one run against El Fatto del Triple A one game and then score seven runs the next, I'd just like a little heads-up, that's all. It's not too much to ask, after all Batgirl has given. That way, she knows—oh, okay, we're going to be incredibly inconsistent all season and just when you're ready to write us off we're going to redeemify ourselves and just when we redeemify ourselves and it looks like we're getting it together we're going to make Batgirl fall into a black hole of despair such that she will never see the sun's beautiful beams again? Great. Thank you!
Hey, Twins, you know what would be cool? I mean, if you guys really wanted to establish yourself as crazily inconsistent? Really make your mark and let everyone know you have more personalities than Sybil? Finishing the month at .500. That would be COOL. Because, frankly, the schedule has been a little grueling and, frankly, Mr. Johan Santana is never quite himself in April, and Batgirl has often said to herself, "Self, if we can finish April at .500 I'll be really happy." And everyone wants to make Batgirl really happy, right? Of course to finish at .500 we'd have to sweep the Tigers, and to sweep the Tigers we would have needed to be swept by the Royals and if we had been swept by the Royals, Batgirl would be no longer with us in the "sane" sense and perhaps even the "alive" sense on account of the major stress-induced aneurysm, so, you know, it was nice to have dreams and all of that.
At the very least we can all take some time to thank all the gods of baseball that we're not the Kansas City Royals. Because just when you're talking about how incredibly bad at Base Ball we are, then you see the Royals play hot potato with the ball for a few innings and you realize how very lucky you are. I mean, we might not be able to hit worth a crap, and lately we can't really pitch either, but at least we know how to catch the baseball. Did you listen to the game today? Every time the a Royal let a ball through his legs or dropped it out of his glove or threw it nine feet over someone's head a little piece of Dazzle died inside. It hurt him. It hurt his soul. What's that saying? I thought I had trouble until I met a man with no shoes, and then I met a man with no legs, and then I met a Kansas City Royal. Something like that.
The point is, it's games like this that make us stop and count our blessings, including Blessing #1, Johan K. Santana. Because he struck out ten today and seems to be finding his form, and that, my friends, is worth a little whiplash.
BatNote Come see Batgirl's close personal friend at Birchbark Books in Minneapolis on Saturday at 2:00.
