Twins at Texas. Twins 4, Rangers 3.
Before the game, Kyle Lohse stood in the middle of the clubhouse looking confused.
"What is it, Kyle?" asked NBP.
"I don't know," Lohse said, looking around. "There's like a breeze somewhere or something?"
"Huh," said NBP. "I don't feel it."
"It's weird," said Lohse. "Everywhere I go I feel this, like…wind."
"Huh," said NBP.
A few minutes later, Joe Mauer came by dressed snappily in Perry Ellis, to find Lohse turning around slowly, looking at something just behind him.
"Lohse, what are you doing?" Mauer asked, taking a big chug of his strawberry Grip N' Go.
"Do you feel that? That wind? It's like…following me."
"Uh….no."
"Huh.
A few minutes later, Juan Rincon came by to find Lohse turning back and forth 180 degrees, facing one wall, then the other. "Lohse! Que Pasa? Tu eres loco?"
"No," said Lohse. "It's just there's this weird breeze right behind me. Every time I turn around, it's still behind me…"
"Oh," said Rincon. "That's just Francisco Liriano breathing down your neck."
"Oh!" Lohse said. "Really?"
"Si!" said Rincon. "Didn't you know he was there? It's pretty hard not to notice."
With that, Lohse went over to the clubhouse mirror. He inched in next to Brad Radke who was working a thick sweet smelling pomade into his hair, only to look at his reflection and find that Cisco was, indeed, breathing down his neck.
"Huh," Lohse said. "You'd think I would have noticed that. What do I do about it?"
"Um…" said Rincon, thinking hard. "I don't know. Pitch bueno?"
"Right!" exclaimed Lohse. "Pitch bueno. I'll try it, thanks!"
So, Lohse strode to the mound with new purpose today as Francisco Liriano's hot breath warmed the back of his neck. "I've got to pitch bueno," he muttered to himself, "and get this guy off my $@*?!#& neck." And the funny thing was it worked—Lohse started the game well and Liriano retreated. But then Lohse would begin to falter, Rangers would get on base and threaten and there Liriano was again, breathing, breathing, breathing. "Crap!" Lohse would say. "Pitch bueno!"
And then he would, he would pitch bueno again, and Liriano would retreat, and it was really bueno because these are not the Kansas City Royals, mis amigos, to whom leaving RISP is as natural as breathing, these are the Texas Rangers and they are good at hitting the baseball. But Lohse kept them quiet; with the help of Cisco, Lohse was able to find himself again, was able to keep the Rangers in control and give the Twins another actual real live series victory and even--dare I say--hope. And that is bueno indeed.
Come to a game with Batgirl: Details here.
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