Cleveland at Twins. Cleveland 11, Twins 0.

4) They seemed like such a happy couple, neighbors said. Sure there was some fighting over the upbringing of their son, who was a rather moody chap, but you'd never know the queen was having an affair with the king's brother and conspiring with him to viciously kill her husband. In fact, no one would have known a thing had the king's ghost not decided to take a quick jaunt around the castle one night and tell the son everything. And boy was the son pissed, so much so that at the Elsinore softball game he hit two three-run home runs against his uncle/father. Unfortunately, his brother/ cousin later poisoned him with an ass-bat.

3) Okay, there was this other king, right? And his brother was a total moron. He let his wife run off with this pantywaist prince, and once again it was the king's job to clean up the mess. He was going to bring a world of hurt down on the prince and his whole city-state (with the help of the world's greatest warrior, who was completely immortal—except for this itsy bitsy little part on his heel, but who would ever hit that?) just as soon as he could set sail. There was just this little problem—he'd offended Artemis, who is so touchy—and she sent a bad wind and they couldn't leave port to go kick some Trojan ass. So he asked a prophet what to do and the prophet naturally advised that the king sacrifice his daughter. The king was like, "Is that all?" So he had his wife send the girl up to a mountain under the pretense she was going to marry that same world's greatest warrior. (The queen was surprised because the warrior had not shown that much interest in girls before, but what are you going to do?) When she found out the truth, well, she was majorly p.o.ed. So, when the king came back from the war she stabbed him in the bathtub and then hit two three-run home runs off his lifeless body.

2) There was this king who thought his marriage was going really well. Sure, there'd been some stress, like when his brother seized the throne from him, but the king got it back when Zeus had the sun set in the east in support of his candidacy. It sounds weird, but it was really impressive at the time. So he banished his brother, ruled Mycene, and all was well. Until he found the queen in an extra-hot embrace with his brother. Boy, did that tick him off! So, under the pretense of reconciliation, he invited his brother over for din-din. He gathered together his brother's sons, killed them, baked them into a pie, and fed them to their father as the main course. He felt much better then. But his brother would get his revenge. He had a new son and he squirrled him away in a cave where he raised him and threw BP for him every day so, when the boy finally came of age, he could exact his terrible revenge at the annual House of Atreus softball game and barbeque.

1) In October of 2002, Twins general manager Terry Ryan released Casey Blake. Actually, Blake took it rather well.